


Life on the Murder Scene

by BattyJade



Category: Gerard Way - Fandom, My Chemical Romance, Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge - My Chemical Romance (Album)
Genre: Artist Reader, Bullets MCR, F/M, Inspired by Life on the Murder Scene, Music stuff, Mutual Pining, Reader Assistant/manager, Revenge Era MCR, Shy Gerard, Slow Build, Tour, cute stuff, gerard/reader - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-03
Updated: 2018-04-10
Packaged: 2018-09-21 17:36:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 32,457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9559838
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BattyJade/pseuds/BattyJade
Summary: Reader is an artist working for Brian Schechter, designing album covers, and reluctantly being trained to be an assistant manager. Then one day Brian introduces her to some members from a band called My Chemical Romance and he decides they're the perfect band for her to start with. Now, having convinced them to sign with Reprise she begins to work with them, even if Gerard can't seem to stop staring at her. Can both of them hold back their growing feelings as they're pushed closer together by the close quarters on tour?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So...I know this is like my fifth story I'm working on now. Don't hate me. I've been holding back on writing this for weeks, even though I really wanted to. Saw some old clips of LotMS the other day and the story kept forming in my mind till I started obsessing over it. I also totally love a shy Gerard and I haven't written a story with him like that until this one, so I'm excited. It's going to be way slower than all my other stories, and probably much tamer, hence the M rating. I'm still planning some good steamy bits, just not till much later. Let me know if you like this story, I feel like it's going to be a really long one.  
> -Batty

I bobbed my head in time with the metal music coming out of my noise canceling headphones. I smiled, as I worked on my computer, finishing the last lyric input on the album I was assigned. Just finding a job where I could listen to my own music instead of that insufferable pop crap was lucky. One where I could also wear band tees and leggings every day, unbelievably awesome. But a job where I actually got to work on albums was straight up bonkers. True, most of the time I wasn’t doing much more than typing all the information out onto the album files, like the lyrics, comments, and legal jargon, but still, very cool. But I also got to spend a lot of time designing album covers, that was like a dream. I didn’t even mind all the other crap Brian put me through. I loved working at Reprise records, it was the best job I’ve ever had. I had gotten it completely by accident. 

It was almost five months ago now. My friend Kat had dragged me to an underground show, having been invited by a guy from the band that was playing. Alright, so I had really wanted to go, the only problem was I was terrified of other people. I’d stayed seated at the bar, watching Kat as thrashed around the crowded dance floor, occasionally coming back to check on me and unsuccessfully try to pull me out with her. Instead I preferred to sit at the bar, working on the album cover the band had asked me to design in my sketchbook. Then a guy had come up to me while I was drinking my Shirley temple, and talked to me for nearly 45 minutes. I hadn’t thought much of it. He’d started asking me about my drawings, then the album design, then the band. 

Thinking back now, I should have guessed something was up when he started asking me how well I knew the guys and if I thought they were going to last. I’d only met them once or twice, and I told him so, but then gave him my opinion anyway. They were good sure, the music they made was catchy, and seemed to appeal to the masses, the guys were fairly good looking and charismatic, and they were making a good amount of noise around the scene. But that’s what it was about with them. Their music was shallow and their lyrics were one note wonders. Not only that, but they’d already gotten swollen heads and attitudes since record companies were already sniffing around. The members all had a different vision, not only that but they’d never once been able to get together all at once and meet with me about the design they wanted. It would be a miracle if they could even put out an album, even if they did it was sure to have the same result as Icarus flying into the sun.  
A week and a half later I’d found out from Kat that the man I had talked to was Brian Schechter, apparently a big wig and esteemed manager with the record company Reprise, which Kat had just gotten a receptionist job at. It was only a few days after that, that he refused to leave me alone. Kat had given him my number after she told him she knew who I was. To be honest I didn’t quite trust him at first. I didn’t have any experience or talent really, and he didn’t offer me a job at first, only wanted to meet up and talk. Kat had finally tricked me with a bait and switch deal, having me meet her for lunch only to find him too. I’d agreed though, after we talked a bit and he offered me a job, just doing some grunt work at first, with the potential for other things, primarily designing parts of albums. It paid better than the shit job I’d had so I’d jumped at it. 

It was great, I didn’t mind the tedious work, and it seemed like Brian was always training me to do new random things. It was like I was his new prized pig or something, though I really didn’t think I brought anything particularly special to the table. But my job felt secure, I was intelligent and I worked hard, which thankfully wasn’t overlooked here. I had no idea what my job title was, or what kind of mutant creature Brian was trying to turn me into, but I really didn’t mind. I didn’t have to deal with people most of the time, and the ones I did I actually enjoyed. There were all kinds of people working here, in and out of the studio, managers, accountants, even makeup artists and stylists. One stylist in particular had clung to me soon after I’d begun working here. Her name was Rain and she did work in the studio too, she was amazing on the piano, and that’s where I’d met her. Apparently I had an ear for music, and when Brian went into the studio he often took me with him. She’d terrified me at first. She was super tall and skinny, with long pin straight black hair and blunt bangs. She didn’t smile, but she was so refined and graceful I couldn’t help but think she was beautiful. We’d struck up a conversation about her watercolor feather tattoo on her wrist, which had spiraled off into amazing walnut sugar cookies she’d made in the break room. 

Now she had some kind of snack for me every day, needless to say I LOVED her. Her pet name for me was Ducky, which I hoped was because of my blonde hair and not my wide feet. She saved me from Brian when I couldn’t stand him anymore. Sometimes he’d call me into his office just to show me some stupid YouTube video. She doted on me, and weirdly I enjoyed it. I’d never been babied before. Since I was young I’d always come across as very mature and grumpy, and I took charge a lot since I protected people I loved. Rain was a lot like me, except more bad ass and scary, maybe that’s why I could relax and let her lead. She brought out a new side of me I didn’t even know I had. 

I saved the album document, happy that I had time to finish it. Brian had been hinting at giving me some extra training lately which meant soon I wasn’t going to have any time to do my usual work. I opened a file of reference pictures then turned my attention away from my computer. I grabbed my work sketchbook and started gathering my pencils and eraser. Before I could reach them I felt my headphones being gently taken off. Stick thin arms draped around my neck before I could turn but I didn’t need to look to know who it was. 

“Brian just called for you on the intercom again Ducky,” Rain sighed, giving me a little squeeze. I smiled patting her arm softly. 

“I thought he was out for lunch,” I sighed pushing back my supplies and resting my sketchbook on the shelf. 

“He came back a while ago. He’s in the studio office right now, so who knows what he wants.” She said playing with the new teal ends of my hair. I’d just dyed the under layer ombre, from dark red to dark teal to light teal, or rather, I’d whined about wanting it until Rain had bought me extensions and dyed them…she’d refused to let me dye my real hair…and the look she gave me when she told me so had me shutting my mouth and quickly dropping the subject…forever. There was something terrifying about Rain when she was mad. It was super cute though, and I didn’t have to worry about the dye fading since I just took them out at night, so Rain really did know best. I was too lazy to keep up dyed hair. 

“Maybe he’ll just leave me be if I ignore it.” I said, fingers stretching back towards my sketchbook. 

“(f/n). You are needed desperately in my studio office, so take your headphones off and come heeerre pleaseeeeeee!” Brian’s voice teased lightheartedly across the intercom. 

“I could just take a few more minutes and he might forget abou-”I began but was quickly cut off.

“(f/n), (f/n), (f/n), (f/n), (f/n), (f/n), (f/n), (f/n), (f/n), (f/n), (f/n), (f/n), (f/n), (f/n), (f/n), (f/n), (f/n), (f/n),” My name droned on and on over the speakers and I rose from my seat angrily. 

“You’d better go,” Rain said with a laugh and a bit of annoyance. “Text me if you need to be rescued again.”

I nodded, pausing my music and shoving my Zune, yes a ZUNE don’t judge me conformists, into my pocket. I quickly headed down to the back end of the floor, down a long hallway to the backdoor, opening into the stairwell. He didn’t call me into the larger studio office much, he was usually in his personal one on the same floor I worked on. He usually only used that one when he was working with or meeting bands, which was something he usually didn’t need me involved in right away. He hadn’t said anything about picking up another band though. I made my way down one set of stairs, unlocked the door with the key I probably shouldn’t have had but he gave me anyway, and made my way to the end of the studio office hall where his office was. I quickly knocked on the door, opening it as Brian said to come in. 

“If this is another video of a baby panda sneezing and falling on its ass, I swear to god Schechter,” I growled as I swung open the door. 

I paused, taken back as three new faces stared back at me. Brian was at his desk grinning like usual, but on the couches sat three punk looking guys probably in their twenties like me. The one closest to me had hair so fluffy I immediately thought of counting sheep, guitar shredding, afro rocking sheep. The next boy had light auburn hair so straight it looked like it was plastered to his face, black edgy glasses, and a long dark jacket. And the last guy-I stopped in my tracks. Shock was coursing though me and I could already feel my heartbeat picking up and heat racing to my cheeks. Shit. The last guy terrified me and I wasn’t sure why. He was pale, with a mop of jet black hair to his shoulders. He was draped in a leather jacket even though it was warm in here, but it fit him well. He was just a tad bit heavier than the others but…fuck me he was stupid good looking. I mean-no, don’t fuck me, that wasn’t what I-shit get it together (f/n) and commence normal brain function!

“(f/n)! Good, you’re here! I wanted to introduce you to some of the boys.” Brian said. It feels like the black haired boy is staring at me. 

“Why, are you trying to scare them off?” I asked, pulling my arms up to my chest, my uneasiness immediately setting off my defensive and sarcastic side. I glanced over and he was definitely staring me down. I looked away, deciding avoiding eye contact would be best. It didn’t help that Brian automatically put me in sarcastic grumpy bitch mode. They all laughed, easing my panic the tiniest bit. 

“Awwww, come on now it’s just the opposite. Guys I’d like you to meet (f/n), an amazing artist and one of our most promising new employees. (f/n) does a lot of work designing album covers for many of our artists and pretty much anything else that needs to be done around here. I’m training her to be an assistant manager right now.” Brian said and I blushed a little. I wasn’t used to being praised. I wanted to say something sarcastic like ‘you are?’ But I bit my tongue and raised an eyebrow instead. 

“(f/n) this is Ray, Mikey, and Gerard. They’re in a band that’s considering signing with us.” He said introducing us. They stood and I shook their hands as they reintroduced themselves to me. Ray, the guy with the afro was the guitarist and very mellow and sweet. He actually had me feeling a bit calmer. Mikey, the bassist was the guy with the glasses seemed about as shy as me, and a little reserved, but still nice and polite. And the third….

“Gerard, I do vocals.” He said smoothly as he grasped my hand, which was probably hot and sweaty by now I was so nervous. 

“Nice to meet you,” I managed to squeak out rather normal sounding. His eyes were a strange gold green hazel and they bore right through me. My hand felt odd and electrified where he touched me, and I could feel my heart pounding in my chest. Why did he make me so nervous? 

"Did you do the cover for the new Inglorious Youth album?” He asked me before I could turn away and my stomach did fucking Olympic gymnastic routines. 

“Ummmm, yeah, that was one of the last ones I did.” I said thinking back to post apocalyptic almost fifties vibe of the album. That one had been fun. I’d designed the inside pages with a lot of detail too. Propaganda posters, rayguns, military uniforms, mushroom clouds, and soda pops all rushed back into my mind. It was probably my best work so far, well album wise anyway. He continued looking at me intensely, probably noticing all my flaws. My hastily applied minimal make up, frizzy mop of curls I called hair, loose fitting ACDC band tee and cargo short shorts, cat socks, my graphite and ink stained hands, fuck. 

“You’re talented, that cover was really great.” He said nodding and my heart jumped. I fidgeted uncomfortably, letting out a meek thank you, and Brian laughed. Even still he didn’t turn away. 

“Wow! I remember that cover, we saw like halfway across the store. I think some people were buying it just because it looked so cool. Gerard does our covers, he’s an artist too.” Ray said making me feel a little more embarrassed. 

“That’s really cool,” I murmured trying to be polite.

I felt a lump in my throat, and my heart squeezed tighter. Other artists made me nervous. Most people would tell me how good my stuff was just because all they could do was stick figures. But another artist could pick every little flaw out that I could, probably more. I couldn’t help but compare myself and I hated it. Ugh….and he’s still looking at meeeee! FUCK! Did he have to look at me so intensely? My stomach was all in knots as I waited for Brian to spill just why I was here. 

“Anyway,” He said leaning back in his chair. “Like I said before, I’m training (f/n) to be a band manager, and I’d like to assign her to you for her training. I know you haven’t decided to sign with us yet, but I think she can help you with that.” 

“Really?” I said, shocked and even more nervous. Though as I looked at the other guys faces, they didn’t seem to be opposed to the idea. 

“Of course!” Brian said smiling. “You guys are playing a show tomorrow night right? (f/n), why don’t you go see them? Then after you can all talk. I’m sure you guys would like another honest opinion about Reprise right? Nothing serious, just get to know each other a little. She’s blunt enough that she won’t hold back her honest opinion, and she’s a good judge of character. That is, if it’s alright with all of you?” 

“Sure, that sounds good right?” Ray said smiling and looked to Gerard. I tried to ignore the pounding in my chest and avoided eye contact with him. 

“Yeah, that’s fine.” He said, and his voice made me fucking shiver. This was odd, I’d never felt this off from one person before. 

“Great! It’s fine with you right (f/n)?” Brian said turning to me as he stood and jokingly pushed the other guys. I nodded.

“If they don’t mind me there.” I said. “I’d like to go.”

“Excellent! Then (f/n) will see you later tomorrow night. We’ll keep in touch boys.” He said, exuding his usual alphaness that had everyone feeling relaxed and going along with whatever he said. He shook some of their hands again and Ray smiled at me as they walked out. I sighed a bit with relief, then turned and glared at Brian.

“Couldn’t you have given me a little warning before parading me around like that?” I snapped as I plopped down on the couch. If I thought about it I really shouldn’t talk to my boss like this…but it was Brian so, I couldn’t not. 

“What? You’re upset, I thought it was really casual, totally fine. Nothing happened right?” He said leaning back against his desk and crossing his arms, still smiling. I glared at him. 

“What? It’s not like I haven’t told you what all the training is going to be for. You’re already great at what you do. But you have the potential to do a lot more. I’ve been talking to these guys for a while and they’re good kids. They’ve had record companies chasing after them for months but haven’t signed with anyone, they really care about the music they create. They’re serious, not in it for the fame, and that’s good. Gerard is an artist too, he’s into comic books. I think you’re really going to get along with them. So I figured now would be a good time to toss you in the shallow end.” He said. 

“I’m not any good with people, you know that. If you really want to get them to sign with us then why throw me in and mess it up? All I can really do is draw, and they don’t even need me for that.” I said. He frowned. 

“I’ve already told you, that isn’t true. I hired you for a reason. I could see the potential in you. You’re creative, honest, hardworking, and you have a good feel for music and people. That’s a rare gift, and you can’t just teach someone that. I’d respect you if you said you really didn’t want to do this, but I think you do. I’m not going to lie to you, it’s a hard life working with musicians. There’s a lot of chaos and bullshit that comes with it, but there’s a lot of good shit too. And I think, no, I know you can handle it. I just want you to try working with them. Go to the show tomorrow, get a feel for them, tell me what you think and we can talk about this more alright?” Brian said, using his jedi mind trick shit on me. But it made sense. I crossed my arms. 

“Yeah, alright, I can do that but…I don’t understand why you’re acting like my opinion is important.” I said. 

“Your opinion is very important to me. You’re a good judge of character, you proved that to me the first day I met you, even though you had something to lose by being honest.” He said. I blushed again. 

“What, the stuff I said about that band? I probably wasn’t even right-”

“The band’s already tanking. I have a friend at the company that signed them. They might not even finish the first album.” He said smiling at me. My mouth gaped open like a fish, then I snapped it shut. Well then. 

“See? You have a good feel for how things work in the studio so far too. You’re honest, and you’ve got a mouth on you sometimes. You can give a band the tough love and direction it needs. You’ll also fight for them if someone tries to push them around. Pure manager material. Don’t write yourself off so quickly alright?” Brian said smiling and patted my shoulder.

I nodded, grumbling and embarrassed, but a little touched at the faith he had in me. He gave me the information and location on the venue, as well as the time for the gig tomorrow. Then he gave me their CD which they’d done with Eyeball records, a much smaller company. My eyebrows raised in surprise, I hadn’t expected them to already have an album. Then he went back to his computer and tried opening a video of a puppy falling asleep standing or something and I quickly left. I closed the door even as he whined after me and quickly made it back to my floor. Rain was still sitting at my desk when I got back. 

“So Schechter wants to throw you in the deep end with the sharks huh?” She said perched on my desk as I sat in my chair. 

“How would you know any of that?” I asked. 

“Word gets around fast,” She replied blandly. 

“And by that you must mean that you or Kat went in the studio and listened in, probably while intimidating another manager for information?” I said as I opened my computer’s CD drive. 

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” She said monotonously. I rolled my eyes, more amused than annoyed and opened up the CD case. “And it would have been persuaded, not intimidated.” So it was probably Kat then. I laughed as she leaned closer, taking the case from me as I popped the disk in. She hummed, thumbing through the folded pages of the album notes. 

“So the singer huh?” She said and I nearly fell into the computer, causing the drive to slam shut. 

“W-what?!” I said, cheeks instantly heating. She smiled at me. 

“You’re still all flustered. And I know you’ve got a little bit of thing for black hair so I put two and two together.” She murmured, then held out the little booklet. “That’s him yeah? He’s the vocalist, writes the lyrics too. Sounds like your kind of thing.” She said. 

“Whatever, my anxiety just got set off that’s all. It wasn’t my fault he kept staring at me like I killed his mother or something.” I grumbled, turning to the computer and burning the disk. “You know I’m not into the dating thing. So I obviously don’t have any weird feelings about some stranger. It was just Brian springing them on me is all.” I tried not to look at his picture, it was like he was somehow still staring at me. It had chills running down my spine. I noted my heart was still pounding. I put my headphones back on.

“Sure,” Rain said sarcastically and smiled with an arched brow.


	2. Chapter 2

I hadn’t stopped listening to the CD since I’d got it. It was raw and unique, and fucking captivating. But at the heart of it all, was his fucking voice. Fucking shit, I’d never heard a voice like his before and I loved it. His lyrics were just as good. His writing was beautiful and poetic, real meaning ringing behind every word. I couldn’t even count how many times I’d listened to the album. I tapped my fingers in time with another song that rang through my ear buds. 

“Would you hold still?” Rain growled as she yanked by headphones back out and attempted to wrangle the unruly curls I called hair. 

“No, like I told you before, all this is unnecessary. I’m just going to watch them play and talk to them a little. I’m not going trolling for guys so it shouldn’t matter how I look.” I said as she turned my head again. 

“Yes, I heard you the first time. Which is why I agreed not to ‘paint your face’ as you put it. Now I’m almost done, just a couple more pins and I’ll let you go.” She said, her frustration with me peeking as her patience ran out. “Yes, it’s business. Yes you’re going to be professional. But damn it (f/n), you can look good at the same time. You’re already beautiful Ducky, I’m just helping bring it out a little, give you some extra confidence. There, all done.”

I stretched, reaching out my arms as I stood from sitting on my coffee table, where she’d cornered me. I looked in the mirror she held up to me. It really wasn’t all that flashy, but since it was Rain that did it I looked beautiful. She’d only done my eye make up, in rather subtle colors, warm browns and gold, with just a smudge of red by the inner corners. But it made my eyes pop, the blue lighting up in them, looking large framed with thick dark lashes. My full lips had just a touch of red, looking flushed instead of painted. Natural and only slightly eye catching. She’d left my hair down, only she swept half of it back and over, pinning it in place to it all draped over my left shoulder.   
Knowing it would be hot in the bar, as most shows were, I’d decided on my loose fitting long ruffled grey tank top, that was really more like a dress, and a pair of black pleather shorts that clung comfortably to my thighs. I wore matching black combat boots with velvet ribbon laces. I wore my favorite necklace, a small antique bronze lock with a lightning bolt on it, small flat cross, and engraved ring, hanging from a soft brown suede cord, long enough to hang over my breasts. The heavy weight dangling from my neck made me feel oddly safe. Other than that I only wore my two favorite rings, a bat with its wings outspread, and a wolf head with its mouth open so you could see its teeth, both silver, and my favorite animals.   
Feeling all armored up and battle ready, I grabbed my keys and slung my black leather messenger bag over my shoulder. Rain opened the door and I followed her out after locking it behind us. The bar wasn’t all that far from my house, and neither of us wanted to deal with finding a parking spot on a Friday night. My neighborhood was a little more rural, with houses and yards, but it was about as safe as Jersey got, and my neighbors were all friendly and looked out for me, so we both felt safe walking down the street, though I still kept a tire iron and a switchblade stashed in my bag. It never hurt to be cautious and prepared. 

“Kat’s still coming right?” Rain asked. I sighed. 

“Yeah, but a little later I think. She promised to make herself scarce, and not introduce herself to them tonight.” I said. Rain hummed. 

“Yeah, that’s probably a good idea,” Rain said probably thinking of her rather obnoxious and flirtatious nature. It usually didn’t bother me either way, I respected Kat, even though she was much different than I was, but this was important. Kat had fought with me at first, wanting to come and meet the band, but I’d convinced her to stay back. It wasn’t like I was ashamed of her or anything. But a record company saying they were sending me, but then showing up with two other hot girls, all who worked for the company…yeah…even I could tell it would seem sketchy. Especially since Kat would probably try to at least make out with one of them. I’d heard of shady companies utilizing some of their young female employees, and I had no intention of letting them think that’s what was going on. I took Rain only to help with my social anxiety, and she came off even colder and bitchier than I did. There was no way they’d think anything was going on with just the two of us. 

It was already dark when we made it to the show. Rain strutted in confidently, and I followed her closely, watching as some people turned to look at her. She was exceedingly beautiful. I always felt safe when I was with her, and I didn’t bother me when I faded into the background. In fact, I kind of preferred it that way. We headed straight for the bar, where we had a good view of the stage and the rest of the room. We actually came here a lot. They always had live music, and Carter, Rain’s twin brother was the main bartender here. I plopped myself up on a barstool.

“Hey Sweet pea,” Carter said greeting me with a glass of water. 

“Thanks Carti,” I said taking it from him and taking a few gulps. 

“Assclown,” Rain said neutrally as she took the spot next to me. 

“Shewithrestingbitchface,” Carter replied, turning their Native American culture into an insult. I still wasn’t sure if they hated, loved, or didn’t give a flying fuck about each other. Either way, the negativity never really turned into a fight and both were always ridiculously nice to me. I’d never had friends that cared so much. Carter smiled, almost as if he could read my mind, something both twins seemed to do often, and ruffled my hair softly. 

“What do you want to start off, a temple?” He asked me, referring to the childish and cherry filled drink, one of my drinks of choice. 

I didn’t drink alcohol. I didn’t take any drugs either, hell I didn’t even smoke. I knew this seemed to make people think less of me. But I’d never really cared. The only pro I could really ever see to doing any of it was fitting in. I’d never had a chance doing that in the first place, so that never mattered to me either. I’d also seen what it had done to so many people in my early life. So I made the choice to avoid everything all together. It was just another thing that made me even weirder. I still enjoyed the fun virgin drinks Carter made me though.   
I looked over towards the stage, for a moment. The band was already there setting up, their set would start in about fifteen minutes. I could see Ray, the fro man from Brian’s office, as well as some other members of the band which I hadn’t met. My heart pounded a little harder as I recognized delightfully shaggy mop of black hair. I quickly looked away, hoping the twins didn’t notice, but knowing Rain at least did. 

“Umm…I think water’s good for now. I should probably go over there and say hello, let them know I’m here before they start playing.” I said then sighed heavily, my anxiety rising like a flooding river in my chest, making me feel heavy and a little out of breath.

“Alright, let’s go then.” Rain said as I rose from my seat. 

“Ummmm….no…I think…maybe I should go by myself. It is a job after all, and I should at least try to look a little professional. Just…if you see me flailing come bail me out?” I said and Rain smiled. 

“You got it Ducky,” she said, and turned to watch me as I began to walk away.

“Ummmm, maybe I could have one of those frozen drinks when I get back?” I asked Carter, thinking about how hot I was already getting in here. He nodded and smiled back at me, his expression nearly a mirror image of his sister’s, though I doubt he’d appreciate the comparison. With that, I took another deep breath, and steeled myself. I quickly told myself I only needed to make myself known, and introduce myself to any band members I ran into. It should only take a minute. Ray was off in the corner, a good bit away from anyone else, and he seemed to make me the most calm so I headed for him. As I drew closer I noticed he was detangling some cords, presumably to plug his guitar in. I bit my lip, trying to bring up the courage to call out to him as I came up to the short stage, really only two stairs above the ground. But just as I was about to clear my throat, he turned around a bit, and noticed me. 

“Hey! It’s (f/n) right? Good to see you.” He said, friendly smile lighting up his face. I immediately felt a bit better, the flood inside me lowering and letting me breathe easier. 

“Hey, good to see you too. I just wanted to let you know I was here before you started.” I said smiling as he put down what he was working on and stepped down to shake my hand. 

“Great! Hey, why don’t you meet the other guys before we start? I think Frank’s been dying to meet you ever since we told him about the meeting he missed out on.” Ray said and turned when he heard someone behind him. It was the younger brother with glasses. 

“Hey Mikey, (f/n)’s here.” Ray said, somehow making me feel like I was somehow already one of their best friends instead of some weird girl in training from a label they weren’t even signed to. Mikey looked over and smiled, then walked over too.

“Hey, glad you could make it.” He said, his expression just as warm as Ray’s, though maybe a bit more innocent and childish looking. He definitely gave me the little brother vibe, giving me the urge to tussle his hair and give him a hard time. I nodded. 

“Been looking forward to it,” I said, somehow feeling at ease with the two laid back boys around. Funny, I was usually a lot more nervous and strung out. 

“Awesome, hey, have you-” Mikey began.

“Heeeey! This is her isn’t it?! The girl from Reprise that Gerard won’t shut up about!” Someone shouted, and I turned to see a guy who was rather short quickly cross the stage. Gerard was behind him, I realized as he turned to look this way at his voice.

Half of the loud guy’s head was shaved and bleached, the other was black and a little long, side bangs hiding half his face and curling around his chin. It was really edgy, but stylish and cute in a way. He was all in black, like most of the others, and I noticed he was wearing a pair of fingerless skeleton gloves. I raised an eyebrow, just what did he mean by that? Maybe he’d been talking about Kat or Rain and mistaken me for them?

“Hey (f/n), this is Frank, our other guitar player.” Ray said as he came up. I leaned back as the short man got in my face, inspecting me excitedly, though not maliciously. Still he had my anxiety spiking. 

“Nice to meet you, I’m looking forward to seeing you guys play live. I hope I can help answer any questions you have for me after.” I said and nodded my head respectfully. He grinned at me, and then his expression turned amused, and a little…naughty?

“You’re the artist who does the album covers aren’t you? The one who would be our manager if we signed?” Frank asked me. I blinked, a little confused by the random questions. 

“It’s part of what I do, yes.” I said. “And more like a assistant manager in training if Brian gets his way.” Franks smile became a little more devious at my answer. 

“So you’re why Gerard’s been so nervous. I totally get it now, you’re super ho-”

“Shut the fuck up frank!” Gerard hissed, coming behind Frank and quickly covering his mouth as he yanked him back. Mikey laughed and Ray let out a little chuckle, smiling. I smiled too, and let out a nervous giggle as I watched the boys wrestle. 

“Sorry, this idiot never knows what he’s talking about.” Gerard growled as he restrained him. I smiled, unnerved by the butterflies storming in my stomach as I looked at him. Uh oh. 

“Nice to see you again,” I said, and his head snapped up. He seemed to blush and nodded sheepishly.   
The last member, the drummer, walked over during the commotion and introduced himself to me. Of course I already knew him from looking at the album.

“I hope you’ll like some songs since you came all the way out to see us.” Ray said, probably since he had no idea what kind of music I listened to. I smiled, trying not to blush, suddenly feeling a little embarrassed. 

“I love all of the songs on your first album. So I’m excited to hear them live, Brian told me you’re very good.” I said, and the boys seemed to get a bit brighter. 

“You listened to the album?” Mikey asked. I nodded. 

“Of course. Brian gave me a copy after you left the other day. To be honest…I haven’t stopped listening to it since. I must have played it on repeat over fifty times.” I said. Their expressions brightened, all the faces I saw grinning. Even Gerard heard me, pausing, though still covering franks mouth. Was he blushing. 

“That’s awesome!” Ray said, and I could feel myself blush, though I’m sure in the hot room my face was already red. I bit my lip and nodded slightly. 

“I’ll be sitting over at the bar. Come find me after when you’re ready to ask me some questions?” I said motioning to my spot, currently being held by Rain. 

“Sounds good,” Gerard said, actually smiling at me. He was still muffling Frank, immobilized in a headlock. My heart was doing flip flops and I became even more flustered. 

Oh no. I smiled back and nodded, turning to leave and let them finish setting up. When I got back to my seat, a large blue drink sat waiting to me. Neither of them said anything as I took a sip. I didn’t want to look at them for a moment. I was slowly coming to the realization that I at least had a small crush on Gerard. I didn’t need them butting in and making it more complicated. The drink was blended, somewhere between a smoothie and a slushy, tasting like glacier freeze Gatorade and blue raspberry. Bright red cherries colored the bottom, and a cherry and slice of star fruit garnished the top. It was a drink Carter had made specially just for me a week ago, the colors matching my newly dyed hair. He’d named it the Harley Quinn, as it also matched her colors, and I loved her. I’d taken two sips before I looked up and saw both of them looking at me. I raised an eyebrow as I locked eyes with Carter.

“So, the singer huh?” He said. Fucking Twins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Valentines day! My little gift for everyone who reads my stories! I love you all! Sorry for it being a little late, I try to do a chapter of at least one of my stories a week. Please leave kudos and a comment if you like it, and check out some of my other stories! ;3


	3. Chapter 3

Gerard

The show was a little harder tonight. I drank a couple more beers than usual to try and even out my nervousness. It was pretty obvious to the guys why, which made it even more embarrassing, though they let me get away with saying it was because someone from the record company was watching. Still I’d made it through the show. I’d looked for her more often than I wanted to admit. She stayed at the bar, I wasn’t sure if I was thankful or disappointed that she never came closer. Maybe a little of both. Our band came before anything so I tried to forget she was there and focus on the show. It had been good, the kids were into it, and when it was all over I felt good about it. Frank still hadn’t shut up about her since he’d seen her though. He given me stupid looks, raising his eyebrows at me when he’d thought he’d caught me looking at her. He was doing it even now when we were clearing out our stuff. It made nervousness and jealousy turn in my stomach. I shouldn’t be, should I? It wasn’t like I’d called dibs on her or anything. I barely even knew her. I wanted to though. She was smart, quick witted and funny…not to mention beautiful…but it was more than that. There was just something about her that was drawing me in, like a moth to a flame. 

“So we’re going to talk to (f/n) now riiiiight?” Frank said as we finished loading the last of our stuff. I glared at him, shutting the back doors. I ignored Mikey’s laughter.  
“Shut up Frank,” Ray said laughing as we headed back into the bar. “Reprise is the best record company we’ve talked to, so try not to scare her away.”  
I grunted in agreement, shuffling along beside them. I couldn’t help but clam up around her. I’d barely said anything the other day. I was determined to talk to her more today. Maybe the beer would help. Frank rolled his eyes.  
“I’m not going to scare her. I’m just trying to distract her from the googly eyes Gerard’s making at her.” Frank said Grinning.  
“Shut up Frank,” I grumbled blushing a little. He laughed.  
“Hey, it’s cool man. I’ve totally got your back. She’s an artist who’s into our music, which pretty much gives you dibs, and you’re already into her. What kind of friend would I be if I didn’t hook you up?” Frank went on. I hated that this actually made me feel slightly better.  
“Would you shut up Frank?” I growled, but I couldn’t make myself say anything in my defense. It’s not like I wasn’t interested in her. If I tried to deny any of it, it would be a lie. Maybe that’s why it was upsetting me. It wasn’t like I’d fallen for many girls, especially this quickly. It didn’t make any sense and it was unnerving.  
“Can you guys just be cool? She is going to be judging us you know. I’d like to keep Brian on our side so we can think about getting signed. Not so worried about getting Gerard a girlfriend.” Ray said as we stepped inside. Then he turned back and looked at me. “Ready?” He asked.  
“Yeah,” I said and walked in looking for her at the bar. Now that we were closer I noticed she was next to a tall skinny Woman with long ink black hair. She was pretty, but her face was like ice, and it radiated off her. Ray and Mikey were ahead of us by a few steps and reached her first. She smiled at them and my heart started pounding. I made a point of not looking over at Frank. I noticed now, one of the bartenders was sticking close to her. He’d been there the whole show. Something in me sank as I watched him lean against the counter so close to her. Was he her boyfriend? Of course she had a boyfriend, gorgeous blonde with an awesome job, not to mention funny and talented, how could she not? I tried not to scowl as I notice the guy at the bar was good looking. Dark styled hair, muscles visible though his tight V neck tee and tattoos on his arm and neck. He had multiple piercings on his ears and face that made him look cool and edgy. He looked like a model out of a hot topic and Abercrombie add. Was he her boyfriend? Jealously and disappointment filled me as I sullenly walked up to her. He was way better looking than I was, there was no way I could compete. Even if he wasn’t…she had to have one. It wasn’t like I had a chance right? I was just some weird, comic reading, chubby kid, who could sing and draw a little. I rubbed the back of my neck nervously.  
“Hey (f/n), how’d you like the show?” Mikey said laughing as we came up to her.  
“It was really great guys,” She said and her smile lit up the room. “I really enjoyed it, oh. This is my friend Rain, she works for reprise too. She’s a really talented makeup artist. She plays piano really well, so she does a lot of work in the studio too.”  
“Nice to meet you,” The tall brunette said, but didn’t offer her hand for anyone to shake. We all nodded and mumbled agreements.  
“Do you want to go sit at one of the booths?” (f/n) asked turning from the bar. “It’ll be easier to talk that way,”  
“Sure,” Ray said smiling at her. Jealously again. I should be the one talking to her. She smiled again, scattering my thoughts and slipped down from the barstool.  
“I saved you one by the backdoor sweet pea,” The bartender said to (f/n). My heart dropped.  
“Thanks Carti,” She said giving a small smile and lead us though the crowded bar. Rain followed and we all managed to squeeze into a large boot in the back that was open. Frank ushered me in so I sat directly across from her, something I couldn’t find myself being mad about. She looked beautiful tonight. Not that she hadn’t before. It seemed like her exaggerated curves would fill out any outfit nicely. I rolled my eyes at myself, had I really just thought that? Fucking A. But it was true. She looked just as good in her baseball AC/DC shirt. She just looked a little more polished today. Her hair was a little different, half swept away from her pretty neck. And FUCK ME, those leather shorts. Fuck those were HOT. Shit, focus Gerard! Focus!  
“So, I’m going to be honest,” (f/n) began and I sucked in an excited breath hearing her voice again. It sent shiver up my spine. “I don’t know how well I can answer your questions. I feel like Brian could answer them better. But since I’m here I’ll do my best.” My mouth quirked up in a smile. She was so straight forward and honest, serious too, no small talk or sales pitch. It was nice. Shit, this was my chance. I needed to stop being an idiot and just fucking talk to her.  
“What do you think about Reprise?” I asked and her big icy blue eyes focused on me. “Compared to other companies, I mean. Is there anything you think makes them better?” She looked down at the table, her brow scrunching in thought, a gesture I immediately found adorable.  
“Well, I can’t really say for sure because I don’t know all that much about other companies.” She said. “But working with Brian, I’ve seen how selective he is with taking on a band as their manager. I think most of the managers there are that way. They aren’t looking for bands that need a lot of fixing. I’ve never seen a band come in that’s had their image or sound drastically changed. They like to keep anything they put out fairly unchanged, not splice it into generic crap. So if Brian is trying to sign you, then it means he thinks you have real talent and you’re worth the time and effort. They’re also a fairly big label, and all the people I’ve met there are really creative and talented at what they do. Everyone’s pretty hardworking and genuine, and all the bands I see come through are the same way. I just met you, so I can’t say I know you very well, but I think if signing and going mainstream while keeping your sound is what you want then I don’t know of anyone better than Brian.” She said.  
“Really?” Mikey laughed. “The last time we were there it seemed like you hated him. Her face went dark for a moment then she shook her head and sighed.  
“Yeah he can get really annoying sometimes, but that’s mostly my issue. He WILL annoy you, and probably hound you about some things but…He does whatever he can for a band, no matter what that is. He works hard to get a band on the right track. Sometimes it’s just supportive, but other times it’s working with them on tour or in the studio, making sure they live up to their potential. And that seems to me like something a band would be looking for if they were serious about getting bigger and improving everything.”  
“Improving?” Ray asked and (f/n) looked up, snapping out of her deep thought. Then she nodded.  
“Yeah. The company has money so they can afford better equipment and they have music producers who really know what they’re doing. Bigger venues, which means more people get to hear you. And eventually you can get something better than a van to tour in,” She said, and we couldn’t help laughing. “But I mean, if you like being trapped in a cramped space with a bunch of other sweaty dudes and sleeping on top of each other for months at a time, that’s totally fine too.”  
And I busted up laughing. I could hear the other guys laughing too, Frank the loudest, throwing his head back against the wall. Even the tall woman chuckled lightly, smoothing back (f/n)’s hair. After that, things felt a little less stiff and everyone started talking to her normally. We asked more questions, and she answered them all honestly, telling us what she’d seen going on since she started there. We also started talking about our music and our sound.  
“It’s all really great,” She said talking over the noise of the bar. “But the lyrics really bring it all together and take it onto another level. I don’t hear a lot of new bands that write like that.” I blushed and tried to hide my shit eating grin. She’d just complemented me. My lyrics were deep and personal, something I was even a little sensitive about. This had been my first band I’d sang in, and wrote for. The fact that she liked them…it was like she was saying she liked me. I tried to ignore the pounding in my chest as it clenched hopefully. Then Frank grinned and my heart dropped.  
“Yeah, Gerard writes all our songs. He’s really great!” Frank said giving me an idiotic look. She smiled and my face softened again.  
“She knows, she hasn’t shut up about how great she thinks he is since she started listening to the CD.” Rain said, speaking up for maybe the first time in the whole conversation. (f/n) jolted, her head snapping to face her friend. My heart leapt out of my chest with happiness and I could feel myself blushing. Frank laughed again, even over the noise of the crowded bar.  
“RAIN!” She hissed. “You don’t have to say it like that! You’re making me sound super creepy!” Her face was beet red, and her whole demeanor became flustered and high strung.  
“It’s not creepy,” Rain said, completely unfazed. “If they sign with Reprise then you’re going to be working closely with them right? So they should know that you like the band and you’re into it. It isn’t just a job Brian assigned to you.” Rain said and I had to swallow. That’s right if we signed with Reprise then she would be working with us. I’d probably get to spend a lot of time with her. My hands started fidgeting under the table. I thought about her working with me on the songs, showing her my lyrics. Maybe just hanging out in the studio together, doodling on scrap pieces of paper during breaks…Shit I was smiling way too much again.  
“Well….yeah I guess so…” (f/n) huffed, losing some of her steam, but still a little miffed about Rains outburst.  
“Yeah, speaking of that.” Frank started jumping into the conversation again. “Brian said that if he signs us he wants to take us on a tour he’s going on in a couple months. Are you going to go with us too?” I looked at Frank, trying to figure out what he was getting at. (f/n) scrunched her face in thought again.  
“Yes, he’s mentioned it to me and I think he’s going to try and drag me along either way.” She answered.  
“So is your boyfriend over there going to be cool with you being on the road with a bunch of guys for a couple months?” Frank asked smiling cheekily. My stomach lurched. I wanted to pop Frank in the mouth. I didn’t want to hear about her boyfriend….maybe I needed to though…before I started liking her too much and got my hopes up.  
“Boyfriend?” (f/n) said, her face scrunching up in confusion. “Ummm…I don’t have a boyfriend so that’s not going to be an issue.” My head spun to her so quick I could feel Mikey looking at me. I’m sure Frank was smiling at me but I didn’t care. She didn’t have a boyfriend. Joy and excitement expanded in my chest.  
“If you were talking about the idiot over there, that’s just my brother Carter.” Rain said looking amusedly to the bar. I couldn’t stop my eyes from quickly glancing back at him. Relief flooded me. He wasn’t her boyfriend, just her friend’s brother. Still, that didn’t mean he wasn’t interested. I should still be cautious.  
“Well whatever it was worth, I hope I helped you at least a little bit.” (f/n) said changing the subject. We chuckled a little bit.  
“No, really, thanks so much for coming here and talking to us.” Ray said drawing her attention, he shook her hand since he was right beside her. She smiled again, genuine and warm, making my heart skip a few beats.  
“Oh, it wasn’t a big deal. I don’t live that far away and we come here a lot anyway. Besides I really wanted to see you guys play.” She said smiling, I noticed she was getting a little warmer the longer she talked to us. Was she actually shy? “I wouldn’t want to take up anymore of your time though…”  
I jolted, my heart sinking as I realized she was thinking about leaving. 

“Naw!” Frank exclaimed from across the table. “You should stay and hang with us for a little while. All that business stuff was boring. Have another drink and chat with us about some cool shit. The next band’s starting soon, so you can listen to them too.”  
(f/n) bit her lip and looked at down at the table for a moment, her expression serious and thoughtful. I still found it ridiculously cute, I had to make myself look around the room every once in a while so I wouldn’t be staring at her the whole time. Then she turned back to Rain.  
“You don’t mind if we stay a little longer do you?” She asked her. Rain actually smiled, brushing (f/n)’s bangs back again.  
“Course not Ducky,” She said and Frank clapped his hands. 

“Cool! Then let’s go to the bar, I need a drink!” Frank said and started pulling us through the bar. He took (f/n)’s arm, which immediately had me seething, though she didn’t seem anything other than surprised by his forwardness. 

The rest of the guys kind of scattered over the next half an hour, while Frank, (f/n), Rain, and I sat the bar. I was a little miffed that Frank was still getting to talk to her more, but at the same time he was asking her so many questions I would have been too shy to ask. I learned she hadn’t gone to art school, but she’d taken all the classes she could in high school. She was into a lot of the same music which was cool, and she also liked old horror movies, though she said stupid comedies were her favorites. She’d grown up watching the three stooges and movies like army of darkness, which she jokingly said made her sense of humor morbid and violent. She was surprisingly sarcastic but genuine and funny. She loved cats, and told hilarious stories about the one she owned. She’d named it Zombie, after a fictional cat in a novel she’d read in middle school. Apparently it was her favorite character’s cat, who in a roundabout way caused the character to save the world. Plus her mom told her that she couldn’t name a cat Zombie, so years later when she got one, she said she pretty much had to. She made me laugh. I didn’t feel small or lonely when she was talking. I could forget about all the shit I’d seen, what weighed down on me day after day. In those few precious moments, all I noticed was her melodic voice talking excitedly, and her stunning face lighting up in animated expressions while she waved her hands around. I liked her. A LOT. Too much probably, but what was I supposed to do about it now? Rain left a minute ago to have a smoke outside. I thought about it too, but (f/n) was still sitting at the bar and I couldn’t make myself leave her alone with Frank. Now Frank was smiling at me again. Oh no, what’s he doing now?  
“Hey I’ll be back in a minute,” Frank said hopping off the barstool and disappeared into the crowd. Now I was suddenly left alone with (f/n). It was awkwardly quiet for a moment, and she fidgeted with her bright drink. Though it didn’t seem like she was drunk at all she’d had a few while we were sitting here. Fuck, say something you idiot.  
“I’m sorry about Frank,” I said laughing and she laughed softly too.

“It’s alright. I don’t mind it really. I’m not much of a talker so it’s always easier for me if someone else does it.” She said smiling I smiled back, my heart pounding. All I could think about was how we were alone. “I’m sorry I probably wasn’t much help though,” She murmured. I shook my head.  
“No, honestly I think I feel way better about signing with Brian after we talked to you. I know you were being honest, and all the stuff you said about this being a way to make our band better…it really got to me. I mean, I still have to talk it over with all the guys and stuff later but…I think we’ll meet with Brian again and try to work something out.” I said, though after it came out of my mouth I realized I probably shouldn’t be telling her this. She smiled, her face lighting up. Then she blushed.  
“Really? That’s….I mean…it would be really cool if you guys did. I think I wouldn’t mind being forced to be an assistant manager if it was with you.” She said. Now I blushed, trying to hold myself back. She shuffled a little, then shrugged her shoulders. “I mean…I really like your music, and we seem to get along pretty well.”  
“Yeah,” I agreed then smiled at her. She met my eyes, then blushed and looked down again. Fuck! Did she have to be so adorable? I kept wanting to kiss her. I never fell for a girl this hard, what was wrong with me? We were quiet for a little while longer, but the silence was comfortable, we both smiled at each other. Then after a while we started talking about art and drawing. We borrowed a couple pens, and exchanged sloppily drawn napkin doodles. Then she leaned back and fished out her phone. Her phone, shit! I was such a moron I hadn’t even asked for her number yet! She frowned, then pursed her lips, fidgeting a bit. Then she sighed.  
“I should go, Rain’s ready to leave and she’s staying over with me tonight. Plus it’s getting late.” She sighed, but she sounded disappointed, which made hope shiver through me. We both stood, leaning against the bar. Maybe…maybe she enjoyed my company like I enjoyed hers…maybe she kind of liked me too. Fuck Gerard stop being a pansy and do something! Alright, just ask her for her numb-  
“(f/n)! You’re not leaving are you?” Frank said suddenly back with us. SON OF A BITCH FRANK! She turned to him.  
“Yeah, it’s getting late so Rain and I need to head out.” She said slipping some ink covered napkins into her pocket.  
“Man that sucks!” Frank said pouting like a child. “Hey! You should totally give me your cell number so I can bug you, ah I mean ask you important questions!” I glared at him, anger rising up in me. I was going to ask for her number! You stupid midget! I bit my lip instead. (f/n) laughed.  
“Sure, I don’t mind.” She sighed and Frank took out his cell, copying down her number. I wanted to face palm. Why hadn’t I gotten a cell phone? I only had the home phone in my parents’ house. Fuck it. I didn’t care. I’d make myself awkwardly call anyway.  
“Do you mind if I call later, if I have any more questions?” I asked and hoped the buzz already had my face red enough to hide my blush. She looked up at me blushing and nodded. When I told her I only had a landline she took one of the doodles she’d done and wrote her number on it too.  
“Sorry I have to go, will you tell the other guys that I said goodbye and it was really nice meeting them and I really enjoyed the show?” She said starting to walk towards the exit.  
“Sure, no problem Ducky!” Frank said copying Rain and waved to her. I waved lazily too, one hand in my pocket. She rolled her eyes at Frank, but then smiled and waved back. It sent little excited sparks running up my spine. Then she slipped out the doors and my heart sank a little. Then Frank turned and grinned at me.  
“So didja put the alone time I scored you to good use?” he asked raising his eyebrows. I grunted, glaring at him.  
“Shut up Frank,” I growled taking another swig of my beer and he erupted into high pitched laughter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn't sure if I wanted to include chapters from Gerard's perspective in this story, but I figured what the heck? So I'll probably throw some in here or there. This story's a little different from the ones I usually write, so I hope you guys like it. It's certainly hard for me, being such an impatient person, but I think it's got it's own charm. As always thank you for all the comments and Kudos! Also happy Easter! I know it was yesterday, but I got my Easter gift late today too so...I'm going to count this chapter as an Easter present for you all! Haha. I also feel the need to say I got to eat Prime Rib for the first time yesterday...and just...oh my god...people were laughing at me because I was close to tears. Am I a little obsessed with food? Yeah, probably...I could never be a vegetarian, for SURE. Anyways, hope you're all still sticking with me and enjoyed this chapter! Keep sending me your love! It keeps me alive!
> 
> Till next time,
> 
> \- Batty x3


	4. Chapter 4

Frank texted me at least several times a day. Not one had been about the band or Reprise. In fact most of them were random smiley faces and pictures. But he was kinda funny, and I was happy to be making a new friend, even if he annoyed me. It was in a good way so I let it go. He’d been hinting at wanting to hang out for days and so far I’d been too shy to agree to it. He also talked about Gerard every once in a while, which made me a little nervous. I looked down at my phone as it buzzed again. I sighed, this time it was a winking face with its tongue out. I slipped my phone back into my pocket and turned back to my work computer. It was Tuesday now, and I was back to work, filling out more files lazily before second break in a few minutes. I sighed, feeling a little irritable. It was just because Frank is obnoxious. It wasn’t because Gerard hadn’t called me yet or anything…it wasn’t like he said he was going to…it was just in case. I groaned at myself, stretching my neck and arms, making my back crack.  
I’d met with Brian yesterday morning, right after I’d come in. Our conversation came to my mind and I thought it over again. Of course he’d asked me what I thought about them. I’d said I thought they were incredible and he’d laughed saying how weird it was to hear me talk so normally. I suppose that can be pretty true. I don’t exactly have strong opinions or feelings about things, or share them if I do. I prefer to discuss and pick apart things a bit more logically. So the few things I take such a liking to, I cling to forever. I wasn’t sure how I felt about knowing this band was becoming one of them. Concepts, or objects, characters even, were easy. But this band was made up of people, real people I might have to interact with on a daily basis, and that was frightening. I wasn’t sure I knew how to do that. But I did think they were amazing. I proceeded to tell him so, mentioning their stage presence, which was pretty astounding in my opinion, how good all the elements of their music were, how much the kids were into it, and how passionate I saw they were about it. Brian had let me go on and on about how highly I thought of them, smiling and nodding, sometimes asking a question and encouraging me to say more.  
“Well,” He said after we’d had a rather lengthy talk. “Looks like I’ve got the green light from you huh? That makes me want to sign them even more, I don’t think you’ve mentioned one thing we need to be cautious about.” I bit my lip after that, his words making me recall something. 

“What? What is it?” he said leaning in. I sighed, chewing on my lip and trying to hold back. It wasn’t important, it wasn’t really even out of the norm, especially for young guys in a punk band, but…

“It’s nothing really,” I’d said. “It’s just….I don’t know…I’d feel stupid for even saying it out loud. It was just a feeling I had.” I said trying to dismiss it. But Brian just shook his head.

“No, feelings are good. Talking it though now is good, even if it doesn’t turn out to be true. What did you think?” He said, urging me to continue. 

“Well…..it’s just…” I said blushing and feeling like an idiot. “I noticed….the singer, Gerard…well he was drinking a lot…Which I KNOW isn’t uncommon for musicians and all…but…I don’t know…it felt like he wasn’t doing it to have a good time or anything…it was like…he needed it. It just started to worry me a little, like a little red alarm started blinking in my head.” I said looking down at the table and shaking my head at myself. But instead of blowing me off and laughing like I thought he would, he rested his head on his hands, contemplating what I’d just told him. I bit my tongue, feeling I didn’t need to say any more about Gerard, like how I could almost feel some heavy deep inner pain emanate from him, even when he was laughing. No, that seemed too personal, something I didn’t feel the need to bring to Brian’s attention. But I had felt it, buried deep, maybe because it felt so similar within me. I had to wonder if I would be more like him if I chose to drink. 

“Well, it’s definitely something we’re going to need to keep an eye on,” Brian said, his voice a little lower and calm than usual. “But I don’t think it’s a reason not to sign them, and if we make sure he’s got help and friends to take care of him when he needs it I don’t think it should be too much of a problem.” I nodded my head furiously. 

“Yes, I agree.” I said firmly. I felt happy that my feeling was taken seriously, and that Brian and I would be on the same page, but it hadn’t hindered his view of Gerard at all. His smile broke back over his face. 

“And I’m sure with you as their assistant manager they won’t have anything to worry about.” He said with a grin. 

“I-I……I don’t know if I can live up to your expectations,” I said honestly. I didn’t know a damn thing about being a manager, and he hadn’t given me a for dummies book on the subject. I didn’t like going in blind, especially when people were counting on me, especially something as important as the band that was settling itself into my padlock heart. 

“You don’t have to worry about it. I’m always going to be a phone call away, and I’ll be taking care of all the major stuff. You’re going to be helping with everything else, which I know you’re going to rock at since you’re already passionate about the band and you’ve got a good head on your shoulders….now you just need to learn how to fucking relax kid.” He said laughing. I blushed and huffed, but couldn’t help but feel a bit soothed by his words.

“Good. So let’s hope they fucking sign with us yeah?”

 

Right, I don’t know why I was stressing out about something that hadn’t even happened yet. They hadn’t signed, Gerard hadn’t called, maybe they decided it was too much and they didn’t want to. Maybe I was just going to stay a cover designing desk jockey. That was fine with me, less people to deal with. My hands hesitated their quick typing for a moment as my heart unexpectedly sunk. Huh…..so…maybe I actually wanted this to happen more than I thought… I grimmanced. I wasn’t sure how to deal with that. Change. Why did change have to be so damn difficult?

“(f/n)! I need you back in the large office in the studio sector. Again, (f/n) you are needed in my office in the studio sector! Thank you!” Brian’s voice chimed though the intercom. I jolted, my nerves jolting with surprise and excitement. I chuffed, clearing my throat and got up from my desk. I quickly made my way to the studio sector, ignoring Kat’s obnoxious ‘Ooooooohhh! You’re in trouble!’. The large office, like last time, had no uncovered windows so I couldn’t see inside until I pulled open the door.

“SURPRISE!” Frank shouted before I’d even got the door open all the way. I let out a startled yelp as the small man’s face invaded the door way and jumped, trying to pull the door closed with me. But Frank caught it, and kept it from slamming shut. “Awwww, hey Ducky don’t be so mean! It’s just lil ol me!” Frank said excitedly as I reluctantly released the door. As I looked past the beaming shorter man I noticed the entire band was here this time, Brian smiling from behind the desk.  
“Ummm…what exactly is going on here?” I asked a little hesitantly. Brian clapped his hands and stood behind the desk. 

“Good news! As of two and a half mintes ago, My Chemical Romance is officially signed onto Reprise records!” Brian said and was met with the rest of the room clapping and laughing. My eyes widened, as my heart swelled happily in my chest. I realized I was also relieved. I told myself that it was only because I didn’t have to wait for the answer anymore. I didn’t need to bother myself with what ifs. I couldn’t help but look over and make eye contact with Gerard. His grin was wide and toothy, his teeth blindingly white as it seemed to widen after our eyes met. I blushed, my heart thumping in my chest again. Crap, I definitely shouldn’t be feeling this. Happiness was bubbling up in my chest as I realized I’d be able to see him now. I’d been nervous Friday would be the last time I saw him. I quickly swallowed and took a breath. 

“That’s great,” I said letting a small smile come over my nervous face. I was genuinely happy, though maybe not for the exactly right reasons.

“….and you know what that means…” Brian said moving closer and I tensed, turning my head to watch him. 

“It means you’re our new MANAGER!” Frank said hugging me with a sneak attack and I yelped.

“No! I-I’m not- Assistant! I’m only an assistant. That’s just like getting coffee and stuff and I know I’m not even going to be good at that.” I snapped but Brian had already wrapped his arms around me too. 

“Assistant, MANAGER!” both Brian and Frank chanted and I blushed as I saw the rest of the boys coming over. 

“This is ridiculous!” I shouted, getting flustered as Mikey, Ray, and Gerard joined the group hug. 

“Three Cheers for My Chemical Romances new assistant MANAGER!” Brian shouted over everyone’s laughter. 

“I REALLY DON’T THINK THAT’S-” I shouted. 

“ONE OF US! ONE OF US! ONE OF US!” They all shouted in unison, jumping up and down, jostling me with them. 

“Alright, ALRIGHT!” I shouted laughing. “I get it! Don’t break me on the first day yeah?!” I said and was met with more laughter. 

 

Afterwards we sat down and discussed the plans for the band for nearly an hour. I’d dumbly sat next to Gerard on the couch with Mikey on my other side. It had been difficult to focus the entire time. He hadn’t given me any room either, unlike Mikey, Gerard had most of his leg and most definitely his knee pressed against me. Not only that but our arms frequently touched, making me blush and squirm. Ugh, this was terrible! I so obviously liked someone I was supposed to be working with. There was no way that this was appropriate! Still I couldn’t make myself scoot away, then I’d just be making Mikey uncomfortable. Unlike me, Gerard didn’t seem to have a problem with the touching. In fact it looked like he even had a few extra inches of space on his other side. No, I shouldn’t take it a weird way right? He was just being friendly and comfortable with me, relaxed. It was a good thing. A good….distracting thing.  
The guys were going to start working on a new album in the studio next week. Then they would open for a few Green Day shows nearby before coming back and finishing the album. Then if everything went well we could release the album before the taste of chaos tour in about two months. I wrote hasty notes on a pad Brian had lent me, making sure to run over the dates and times in my head along with the locations and tours. I didn’t need to really, but I felt better having something to focus on and start planning. 

“(f/n), you wouldn’t mind going with them on the Green Day tour would you?” Brian asked after we were done with the initial briefing. I startled and looked up. 

“Going with?” I asked, my brain immediately cranking out frantic thoughts. It was only a small tour to a few local states, the band was going to do it in their van. It was only going to be for under two weeks. 

“Yeah, it should be a great time for you to spend with the guys. I’m sure they could really use all the help they can get driving too. I would go but I need to get things in order here if we’re going to finish the album on time and do the taste of chaos tour. You guys wouldn’t mind would you?” Brian asked. In a cramped van with all of them for over a week. 

“Yeah!” Gerard unexpectedly exclaimed next to me. “I mean, driving sucks so if you wouldn’t mind coming…we could really use the help.” Gerard said, it almost looked like he was blushing. Stuck in a van with Gerard for over a week. No getting away.

“Totally! You get to hang out with us for two weeks!” Frank exclaimed leaning over to look at me. Trapped in a van with Frank. Oh god. I made a note to switch out all his coffee with decaf and confiscate anything with sugar in it. 

“I-I-well….wouldn’t the van be kinda cramped with me in it too. I wouldn’t want to get in anybody’s way,” I said laughing nervously. 

“Actually our van’s pretty big, and we’ve got a trailer attachment we store all our equipment and instruments in, so there’s a big flat in the back where we can crash.” Mikey said, and I felt at least a little relieved. 

“It’d be a big help if you were okay with coming.” Ray said, then scratched the back of his neck, making his fro swish. “I know the thought of being stuck in a van full of sweaty guys for over a week isn’t very appealing though.” He said and I couldn’t help but laugh with everyone. 

“Sure. I guess I don’t mind driving as long as there’s someone with a map who can tell me where I need to go.” I said. 

“YEESSS!” Frank said fisting the air and I couldn’t help but laugh. “Now it won’t be such a sausage fest!” The rest of the guys groaned and rolled their eyes. Wow, I’d really just done that. Since when was I so stupid and thoughtful. I should’ve come up with an excuse. But my brain just kept saying ‘Job, job, requirement, duty, dedication’ I rolled my eyes. Stupid integrity. 

“Alright, you guys know you can contact me or (f/n) if you need anything. We’ll start working on the album next week, and (f/n) will start helping with your shows.” Brian said, making sure everyone knew the plan for the coming week I nodded and our little party broke up. As I stood I noticed Gerard standing near me and turned to him. 

“I’ll see you at the show Saturday right?” he asked, his voice surprising smooth and sultry. 

“Of course,” I said and couldn’t help but smile. He smiled back, his small lips pulling up in one corner, then he bit them almost nervously. It made my breathing stop. I think he murmured a bye, but I was too mixed up to tell.

Work the next day wasn’t all that different. There were just a few hours that I spent in Brian’s office watching him work and learning about what he did instead of my usual work. Things like setting up a tour, booking the studio space, calling everyone who was needed and setting up the schedule for who was to be where when. Calling and trying to get some airtime on the radio, inquiring about future interviews, all while keeping a schedule. Basically trying to hustle and get the band out there, making sure they’d have what they needed to succeed. I wasn’t sure I’d be able to do any of that. I wasn’t a very forceful person. I preferred to go with the flow. Luckily since I was only the assistant I was basically a middle man. I was to keep a copy of the schedule, so I could make sure the boys knew when and where they needed to be. I was also going to be in charge of making sure they got there. I didn’t think that would be a problem. They’ve got the van, and I’ve got a car too. I just had to assist and make sure things went smoothly. I could do that. I cared about people, even though it probably doesn’t seem like it. I was thoughtful…if only because I could never turn my brain off.  
The day had passed by rather quickly with my normal routine disrupted. But it had been easy too, just a lot of observing and listening. So I felt pretty good as I packed some of my stuff into my shoulder bag to leave for the day. My phone started to buzz in my pocket and I quickly fished it out to see a number I didn’t recognize on it. My first reaction was to ignore it, but then I thought about how all the guys had my number now, and might call if they needed something. I pressed the answer button instead.  
“Hello?”

“Oh, ummm...(f/n)? It’s Gerard…” A vaguely familiar voice said and my heart leapt. I quickly looked around as my face flushed to make sure no one was watching me, especially Rain or Kat. 

“Yes. I mean, ahhh…how’s it going?” I said then face palmed and cursed silently. WHY? I hated phones! Why do I have to be so awkward? I just wanted to at least seem a little more normal. Should I have asked him what he needed? But that sounded so formal, and we weren’t really formal right? That first show…after we’d sat together and talked for so long. It had felt normal, like we were becoming friends. 

“Ummm, good. I ahhhh, I was wondering… are you busy right now?” he said and my heart pounded faster. 

“Ahh, no. I’m actually just leaving work.” I said, waiting for him to go on. I was hoping if I relied on him to guide the conversation it wouldn’t be so awkward. 

“Oh. Would you…ummm…would you maybe want to meet me at the park a few blocks down and talk for a bit? I ahh…I started writing some new lyrics and I’d thought maybe you could tell me what you thought about them?” he said. I blushed again, feeling unbelievably special that he would share them with me so soon. I quickly stuffed the rest of my things into my bag and threw it over my shoulder. 

“Yeah! Ummm, I’m heading out right now. Where should I meet you?” I asked. He told me the name of a local park nearby and told me to meet him in the middle by the bathrooms. 

“I’ll see you in a bit,” I said 

“Yeah, see you in a bit.” He said, but he didn’t sound exasperated with me, thankfully. In fact he sounded kind of….excited? We hung up with a soft bye. I walked swiftly though the hall and down the stairs. I touched my flushed cheek and shook my head. I shouldn’t react like a lovestruck teenager. I groaned, clutching my chest as it clenched and stung. I barely ever got crushes, easily countable on one hand, so I don’t understand why I’m feeling all this for him. Maybe it was because we were pretty similar? It was pretty obvious we couldn’t be together in a romantic way. But still, I felt an uncontrollable urge to spend time with him. We could be friends maybe…I wasn’t really sure if I was interesting enough for any of his attention. I bit my lip as my chest clenched again. My eyes stung. I hated not knowing. I needed to know just what our relationship was going to be. Yes, I really wanted to be friends with him. But if he just wanted me to be professional…I could do that too. So I could ask. My heart lightened a bit as I reached my car and got in. Yeah, I could just ask. Get it out of the way. Kat kept telling me I was too blunt and upfront. That there were all these special unspoken rules everyone was supposed to follow. Like something about waiting days to call someone if you liked them. I still didn’t understand that one. If you wanted to talk to someone, you should just fucking talk right? Fuck it. Blunt and honest was just who I was. Acting differently would be stupid. A smile tugged at my face as I made up my mind. I would ask him if we could be friends. I wanted to. He seemed like a really sweet and awesome guy, so why should it be embarrassing? Oh. I startled a bit as I realized I was nearly to the park. It was still pretty warm out, the heated early summer sun falling over the sky, making it blister. Gerard might not even be there yet. He said he was coming from his house. 

Impulsively I turned into the gas station. I grabbed an ice cold blue Gatorade from the drink fridge then stood in front of the open door. I didn’t know what he liked to drink. I rubbed the back of my neck as I tried to remember if I’d ever seen him with anything in Brian’s office. I vaguely remembered glasses that looked cola colored. I grabbed a coca cola, hoping it would be acceptable. I filled a soda cup with ice and picked out a drumstick from the freezer in front, because who doesn’t want to eat a fucking drumstick on a summer afternoon? 

I paid quickly and headed back down the street to the park entrance. I parked in the small lot, then headed down the main path through the park. I shielded my eyes from the sun’s glare as I entered, scanning the park benches. I jumped a little as I spotted Gerard sitting on a picnic table off a ways from the path, hidden in shade. I smiled, ignoring the way my heart picked up just looking at him, bent over a sketchbook, all in black, his long hair dripping over his face. Did he have to be so good looking on top of it all? Feeling suddenly like I was late I started a light lazy jog towards him. I got about halfway when he spotted me and stood.  
“Sorry!” I called loping to the shaded table. “I thought I’d stop and get us something real quick. I didn’t know you’d be waiting.”

“N-no. It’s fine. I really just got here a little while ago.” He said smiling at me. It made my heart melt. I was glad he would blame my blush on jogging in the heat. “Sorry it was such short notice.” He said and held his hand out to me. I took it with my free hand and let him pull me down onto the bench beside him. Wow…his hand is so much bigger than mine. Why do I like that?  
“I don’t mind at all, I really enjoy spending time with you.” I said, only realizing after it came out that it was probably one of those things I wasn’t supposed to say out loud. “I’m glad you called.” I said smiling. Gerard flushed, looking a bit flustered, and for a moment I thought maybe I should have said something else. But then he smiled down shyly at the table. Then he looked up at me, his golden eyes shining.  
“Good, cuz I like spending time with you too.” He said laughing. Now I flushed, and couldn’t help but laugh giddly and smile widely, my obvious pleasure showing plainly on my face.  
“Oh, right!” I said changing the subject as I remembered the bag in my hand. “Here, I wasn’t sure what you liked so I got you this.” I said and pulled everything out.  
“Really? That’s sweet, you didn’t need to get me anything.” He said flushing again. I shook my head at him. 

“Of course I did, don’t be silly.” I said. “You can have mine if you don’t like coca cola.” I said offering him both drinks. 

“No, the coke’s good. Thank you. How’d you know I like this?” He said laughing. 

“Oh, I just thought I remembered you guys drinking cola in Brian office once.” I said and he looked up from opening his pop. He laughed a little, smiling and looked back down. 

“You’re kinda supper thoughtful you know?” He said almost affectionately. I blushed, opening my own drink.  
“Not really….” I said shrugging. “My brain just keeps spinning on its own. I can’t really help it.” he smiled and laughed again. “There’s ice cream too,” I said taking one and offering him the other. 

“Thanks,” he said taking one. 

“Sure,” I replied digging into mine before it melted. We were quiet for a minute while we settled in. 

“So, I started writing some lyrics. I thought maybe you could tell me what you think.” He said sliding a notebook towards me. I jumped a little. 

“Oh, yeah, of course!” I said pulling the book to me hastily. The first song had the title I’m Not Okay (I Promise) scrawled above it, barely readable. I quickly read over the lines, my eyes devouring the words intently. I loved Gerard’s writing. It was poetic and intelligent, but it was also catastrophic and unforgiving, aggressive and confident. A maelstrom of thoughts and feelings tearing together into a force that pulled at something rooted deep within me. This one felt a bit more literal than his others, but I didn’t like it any less.  
“I like this one,” I murmured, my fingers running over the repeated words. 

“Really?” he asked straightening a bit and leaning over me. I nodded. 

“Yeah, I like this line a lot, about the book. And I think it’s really relatable too. I can’t wait to hear what it sounds like.” I said. He nodded. 

I kept reading, onto the next song. Helena. I slowed a bit as I began this one. I shoved the last bit of cone into my mouth. The words turned more mysterious and metaphorical like I was used to. But… oh….

“What is it?” He asked, his voice a little anxious as he leaned towards me. I must have let that little sigh out. 

“Nothing! This one’s so beautiful.” I said looking up at him for a moment. “It’s just…” I quickly went back to the words smeared in ink, my fingertips pressing gently against the letters. This wasn’t a break up song. It wasn’t aggressive enough for that. No, it was different from all the others. No, this one was filled with pain, longing, but also….irreversible loss. I bit my lip as my eyes watered as I continued to read it. I could feel the gouges in the paper, the small rips where he must have lashed out with the pen as the words tore out of him. I hoped he couldn’t see the tears forming in my eyes. I cleared my throat a bit before I spoke.  
“It just feels like it was painful to write,” I whispered. “Is it alright for me to ask who it was about?” I asked. He nodded, turning away slightly and running his hand back though his hair nervously. 

“Yeah…my Grandma. She passed away a couple months ago.” He said trying not to make a big deal about it. I nodded, understanding as I continued to smooth my fingers over the words. 

“I’m sorry,” I whispered so my voice wouldn’t catch. “What’s she like?” His eyebrows raised for a moment, then he looked out thoughtful at the rest of the park. 

“She’s great. She lived right next door to me and Mikey all our lives. She played piano and had a clay studio in upstairs. She was really sweet and shy, but she always did whatever she could for me and Mikey.” He said smiling slightly. I smiled, fingertips reaching out to touch the back of his hand lightly.  
“She sounds lovely,” I said with a smile, and Gerard’s got a little bigger. 

“Yeah, She was the one who bought us the van. And she made me this Peter Pan outfit with these fucking green stretch pants when I got the part in middle school. She was so excited.” He said laughing.  
“Sounds like you’re close to her. That must be really nice.” I said, glad I hadn’t made him sad. 

“Yeah,” He said them smiled at me warmly. His hand squeezed mine and I held back a gasp. “You’re so sweet. And thoughtful. I’m glad I got to talk to you.” I blushed shaking my head. 

“No, not really. I’m sorry, I’m sure someone else could have said something better.” I said. Gerard shook his head and smiled. 

“No, really. You’re the only one I’ve talked to since it happened that actually made me feel better. All anyone else could say was how she was in a better place, or just said sorry, or asked what happened. You wanted to know who she was, like she was still here. You let me remember her and feel good about it. Thank you.” He said squeezing my hand. I could hear my heart hammering in my ears and I bit my lip, trying to hold back the moisture building in my eyes.  
“You’re very welcome,” I murmured laughing a little nervously. “If you ever want to talk about her some more, I’d really enjoy hearing about her.”I said. Gerard smiled back at me.  
“I’d like that,” he said. 

I blushed and turned back to the notebook. We spent more time talking about his lyrics, how I liked them, how I thought maybe this one could use an extra line there or a little phrase I really liked. It was easy to talk to him once I started. We were likeminded and he wasn’t judgey or mean to me at all. After we finished the notebook we just kept on talking. I told him about my grandmother, how I hadn’t gotten to know her that well before she passed. But how I still remembered how it felt when she’d grabbed my hand so lovingly one of the last times I’d seen her. Her grip had been so sure despite her frailty, I’d never felt so important and cherished. I still had a bag full of her rosaries I kept in a ziplock bag. Sometimes I’d open it and I could still smell her on them. We talked other bands and books we liked. Poems and comics and movies, until it was too dark to see the words on the pages.  
“Do you need a ride home? It’s getting dark.” Gerard said and I shook my head. Jersey wasn’t really a place you wanted to be hanging around at night. 

“No, that’s alright. I drove myself today.” I said as we got up from the table.

“Thanks for coming,” Gerard said as he walked me to the parking lot.

“No problem,” I said “Like I said I enjoyed talking with you.” He smiled. 

“I did too,” It was quiet for a few moments after that, and I remembered what I wanted to ask before I’d gotten to the park. 

“Hey Gerard?” I asked. 

“Yeah?” he asked. “And you can call me Gee if you want.” I smiled, that was a good sign. 

“Well I know we met though Reprise and Brian and all…and I’m supposed to be your manager or something. So, I’ve been wanting to ask you…if maybe it would be alright if…” I began. Gerard cleared his throat, but it still sounded odd when he talked.  
“If?” He asked his voice a little strained. I took a deep breath.

“Well, if we could be friends? I don’t know if you think of me as a friend. So I just wanted to ask because I’d really like to be friends with you…but after you never called and everything…I wasn’t really sure if you would want that or not.” I said trying to explain myself. I was about to open my mouth again when I felt his large hands brushing back my hair and jumped. He laughed, gazing down into my eyes, his sparkling, with the most genuine smile on his face. 

“I think you’re the sweetest person I’ve ever met,” He whispered looking at me so fondly. I blushed my face still in his hands. “Of course we’re friends.”

“R-really?” I asked, one of my hands coming up to lightly rest against elbow. 

“Of course, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I kind of adore you.” He said laughing and I flushed, my heart beating like a humming bird on sugar. “I love hanging out with you, and to be honest… well…I’ve been trying to come up with an excuse to call you ever since I got your number…but I’ve been too big of a pansy to do it.” He said. I gripped his hand laughing happily, unable to contain my smile.  
“You don’t need a reason to call,” I murmured laughing softly. “I wouldn’t mind if you just called to say hi and hung up.” He smiled back, slowly dropping his hands to our sides to hold mine.  
“So I shouldn’t have been an idiot and just called.” He said. I nodded smiling. “I’ll be sure to call you sooner then.”  
“Much sooner,” I said and he laughed. He squeezed my hands then almost reluctantly let go. 

“We should go. But I’ll talk to you, SOON.” He said. I laughed again and nodded. I quickly reached out and hugged him, smiling wider when he hugged back then got in my car. He watched me get in and start it before he got in his and I smiled at the protective gesture. I waved as I pulled away then felt my heart sinking. I didn’t want to leave. I wanted to stay with him, keep talking, or just sit together. I shook it off. Friends. I had another friend. Having someone as wonderful as Gerard as a friend should be enough. We could be close. Friends hugged and stuff. That closeness should be enough. I was barely in the door when my phone rang again.  
“Hello?” I said answering it quickly. 

“Was this soon enough?” Gerard asked. I burst into laughter. 

“Yeah. I guess it’s better than last time. I was still waiting for a few minutes.” I said. He laughed. 

“I’ll have to be quicker driving home next time,” he said. “I like this whole honesty thing. So can we hang out again tomorrow?” I smiled. 

“Sounds good Gee,” I giggled and bit my lip.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait. I hope this chapter was alright. As always I really don't know when I'm going to update. But I do know what I want to happen the next chapter and I've already started writing it, so there's hope! Thanks for all your support and nice comments. This story feels especially fluffy to me, THE FEELS! But expect more fluff and pining and good ol' fashioned 'friend' cuddles an possessiveness. P.S. I recently saw a guys shirt that said 'I'd cuddle you so hard.' and it made me laugh and immediately think of Gee in this story.  
> Till next time,  
> Love me, feed me, never leave me.
> 
> -Batty X3


	5. Chapter 5

I saw Gerard almost every day. Since our evening in the park something had changed, like we’d just clicked together like puzzle pieces. We were friends now, in that strange way that happens without anyone noticing. I had thought, even though I’d been rather blunt, and maybe a little stiff asking for his friendship, that it would still feel new and fragile, tentative. But it felt more like we’d been friends for years. The mood between us was always warm and comfortable, radiating closeness and a stable connection. He didn’t hesitate to embrace me tightly whenever we were reunited or separated, and though it always made me flush slightly, I reveled in the physical contact, making me feel accepted and wanted. If I really thought about it, We touched rather often now, he was always leaning close, arms and hands brushing, reassuring hands on my shoulders, sometimes when we were looking at something together, like some songs he was working on, he’d even rest his head on mine. I found myself less gloomy than normal, catching myself smiling at nothing. He accepted me, was comfortable with me. He wanted my company just as much as I wanted his. It left a warm burning feeling in my chest.  
I didn’t know if all the contact was normal or not. Rain interacted with me in a similar way, and she was probably my best friend I’d had so far. Other friends in the past…no…they’d been colder. A hug here and there maybe. Then again, maybe that was just me. I’d been afraid of touch when I was younger. Afraid that if I showed physical affection people would think I was strange, or that they wouldn’t return it and I’d realize I wasn’t liked. I recalled several times when I was younger, just a child, and my mother would scold me for trying to cuddle, or holding on too long for a hug. It filled my heart with bitterness. No, it wasn’t like that anymore. People showed me affection now. I didn’t have to be cold and distant all the time. My heart had thawed some, trying to trust more. I trusted Gerard.  
Of course he wasn’t the only one I was getting closer to. Frank practically clung to me whenever he tagged along with Gerard to see me. That was, until Gerard would pull him off. I was starting to get to know Mikey and Ray little by little too. Though I hadn’t seen Matt since the day they’d signed. I guess he didn’t hang out with them as much. I’d come over to the Way’s house for an impromptu hang out night on Friday. Gerard hadn’t left my side, which was comforting and let me relax. We’d played video games, and I’d gotten to show off some of my skills….and my rarely shown competitive nature. After an intense round of Tekken 3 I finally beat Frank with a finishing move from Julia Chang. Apparently when I’d jumped up and shouted my cries of victory, they all thought I was hilarious and burst into laughter.  
Even Rain was happy to see me hanging out with people more instead of hiding out in my apartment being antisocial. Though she did tease me about Gerard every now and then. I just tried to ignore it. There was no way someone as cool as him would like someone like me. No one had really ever liked me before. I was surprised he even wanted to be friends and hang out so often. Besides, I really didn’t need a boyfriend anyway. Too much work. And nothing could happen. I was technically one of his managers. If we got involved romantically…I cringed. It wouldn’t be anything close to professional, I wasn’t even sure if it was allowed. Not only that but…just thinking about fighting or breaking up…there was no way that would end well. I really couldn’t be more than friends with any of them. It wasn’t like I wanted to anyway.

Saturday’s show was similar to last weeks, but it was still thrilling to watch. Gerard was rather dynamic and confident on stage, something I found interesting since he seemed kind of shy like me when we talked. He was really drunk again though, which I tried to ignore but it left a worried tickle in the back of my brain anyway. Would he be okay like this? Did he need to drink every time he got up on stage? I know no one could get me up there sober. Was he going to be okay like that? I shook it off and instead walked around and tried to mingle a bit. When someone around me started talking about them, I casually mentioned that I heard they were making a new album soon. I figured some true rumors couldn’t hurt, might even start a little bit of a hype, even if it was just with the local kids. That online thing was catching on too, so that might be another good angle. I made my way back to the bar, where I sat and had another water. The song ended and the room quieted a bit, loud music replaced by youthful cheers and adoration.  
“Before we start the next song, I just wanted to give a shout out to our lovely new assistant manager.” I heard Gerard growl into the mike. I jumped, looking up from my drink onto the stage. He was bent a bit at the waist, both hands on the mike, black hair dripping down over his eyes. He looked dangerous, deranged, and sexy….NO! NO, definitely not the last one. I wouldn’t think that, that would be all kinds of stupid. “This is for our new Lady of Sorrows, let’s hope she can keep up with all of us and won’t get scared off.” He said and my heart jolted. He licked his lips, but for a moment, he’d looked….vulnerable.

Frank swung into action, quite literally, on guitar. I realized the song within seconds and flushed profusely. It was my very favorite on bullets. Our Lady of Sorrows. I put my hand over my mouth as I noticed Gerard wasn’t just looking over the crowd. He was staring right at me as he started singing. And I was caught. I couldn’t look away as he kept singing, his eyes piercing me and looking so damn dominant and hypnotizing. I knew the song couldn’t be about me. He’d written it long before he’d met me. 

“Stand up fucking tall, don’t let them see your back and take, my fucking hand and never be afraid again.”

I bit my lip as my whole body shuddered. He didn’t write this about me but…the way he sang it as he saw right through me…it felt like he did. My heart was pounding and my throat felt tight, emotion gripping it. I was scared. I acted tough, like I didn’t care about anything, like it would all roll off me like water. But I was terrified of people. I choked a little as the song went on and he repeated the words over and over. 

“Take my fucking ha-a-and!”

 

I wanted to. My heart wrenched. I wanted to stand by him, to take his hand. He made me feel that way already. Like if he was with me I could do anything, be anything, without fear. His eyes still held mine. He didn’t look away.

 

“Stand up fucking tall, don’t let them see your back and take, my fucking hand and NEVER BE AFRAID AGAIN!”

The song came crashing to an end. Gerard continued to stare at me as the song faded out. Please don’t offer me this. I know you can’t mean it. I want it too badly for you not to mean it. Please tell me it meant nothing. The song ended, and he finally looked away. The sound of the crowd replaced them again and I realized there was moisture on my face, I wiped at my eyes realizing they had spilt over and I quickly shook my head to collect myself. Desperation and want swam in me. I pushed it down, willing myself to forget the feelings swelling in my chest and act normal. He was just drunk, dramatic, having some fun. It was a sweet gesture, yeah, that’s all it was. Though I wondered if he knew it was my favorite, I hadn’t actually told anyone it was. I forced myself to look away and finish my water. I managed to calm myself after a few more songs till they were done. 

As they finished I cheered with the rest of the crowd. After a minute, music came back out of speakers and people settled down. I quickly checked to make sure no tears clung to my face and I looked normal then hopped of my perch. The boys were on stage packing up all their equipment and loading it into the van. Gerard quickly turned and noticed me approaching, eyes lighting up and small lips stretching over his grin. 

“(f/n)!” he exclaimed as if he hadn’t spent most of the day before with me and saw me right before the show started. I couldn’t help but smile too as he jumped off the small stage. I laughed as he hugged me tightly, nuzzling into my neck. 

“You guys were great, as always!” I said leaning back and letting my genuine grin stretch across my face. Gerard smiled wider, the delight from being praised clear on his face. I took a small step back so our bodies were no longer pressed together. However, instead of pulling back all the way I noticed Gerard’s hands had slipped down my arms to hold my hands. Our fingers locked together familiarly and he grinned like a cheeky child. I smiled gently, though my brain was screaming inside at the flurry of emotions the simple gesture set off. It felt a little more intimate than usual. It was probably just because Gerard was drunk. Friend lines, which we’d never clearly distinguished, were blurred and it didn’t help that he dedicated my song to me. There was no way he knew what that did to me. I was probably just overreacting.  
“(f/n)!” Frank cried from behind me. I squealed as I felt him lift me off the ground and swing me around. 

“Put me down Frank!” I yelled squirming. He’d done this several times since he realized a few days ago that he was almost an inch taller than me. 

“I was just trying to make you fly Ducky!” he said laughing loudly as he finally put me down. Gerard quickly pulled me away, before my feet had even touched the ground. He growled at frank, his smile turned into a dark glare. A smile tugged at my lips at his protectiveness but I kept my pout. I huffed grumpily, straightening my outfit, a simple collared short sleeved black dress with buttons all the way down and tinted stockings disappearing into my velvet laced black boots.  
“So did you like it?!” Frank asked excitedly, I watched as Ray and Mikey noticed me in the back and waved before making their way over. I could only assume he was talking about the little shout out. I couldn’t help but notice Gerard’s hand resting a little less than gently near the small of my back.

“I always love your shows,” I said intentionally misinterpreting to be a tease.

“NAAAWWW! The shout out! Telling everyone that you’re one of us!” Franks said whining. I could barely keep a straight face. 

“You were talking about me?” I asked flatly, voice dripping with sarcasm and at that all the boys ruffled my hair. 

“Shut up,” Ray said laughing, seeing through me easily. Mikey laughed along with him. Gerard laughed, but pulled me closer into him, his hands now looped around my waist. 

“Alright, alright,” I said fending them off. “It was really nice guys. A little embarrassing, but really, really nice. Thank you.” 

“Awwwwww, (f/n)’s such a sap. Who’d of guessed the commander of sarcasm could be so genuine.” Mikey said laughing and drawing closer. Gerard giggled into my neck. Yes giggled, Gerard way giggled, in a somehow manly way that sent shivers though me. I loved that sound. 

“Very funny lieutenant, be careful or I’ll come at you with enough sugar to give you early onset diabetes.” I said making the younger Way laugh again. I knew he meant nothing by it. I couldn’t help but be sincere when it came to people I considered my friends, especially when they did something nice for me. 

“Hey! Are you guys gonna load your shit in the van or keep fawning over Avril Levigne over there?” Matt said from up on the stage. OH. HELL. NO. HE DID NOT JUST CALL ME THAT.

I tensed, going rigid as anger rolled through me. I felt Gerard tense behind me too and turned to look at him. His face was dark and angry, the other boys had lost their smiles as well. Gerard’s jaw clenched for a moment before it looked like he was opening it to start a fight. 

“He’s right, let me help you load it up.” I said cheerfully, pressing down my anger and stepping forward. I doubted it would do me any good to press it and start a fight now.  
“You don’t have to help (f/n),” Ray said, but gave me his hand to help me up the small ledge of the stage. I snorted at him.  
“Of course I do. I’m not going to stand here and just watch you all do it by yourselves. Point to something and show me where to go, I don’t want to get in the way.” I said trying to distinguish their equipment from the clubs. Gerard came up behind me, resting a hand on my shoulder.  
“No, really. We don’t expect you to- ” Gerard began. I cut him off with another huff and a pointed glare.  
“Well then you better start expecting Way, I’m not the kind of person who likes to stand around watching other people work. I can carry things that aren’t super heavy, and it’ll get done faster this way. Now, gimmie.” I said, my scowling face saying I’ve had enough of their stupid protesting. Whether it was because I was a girl or if they were just trying to be polite, it all seemed useless to me. I hated having idol hands, especially when others were working. It didn’t sit right with me. Frank seemed to take the hint first, jumping on stage and tugging me over to the powerless amps.  
“You can help me get all our cords while they pack the heavy shit like Matt’s drums Ducky.” Frank said happily, almost as if he would enjoy a moment working alone with me. As Franks said, Ray went to help with the drum set while Mikey packed up his bass and amp, taking them in one go. I noticed Gerard linger for a while, staring back at us before Ray and Matt called for him to help with the drum kit as well. He slunk away, obviously pouting like a child left out. Frank and I wound the cords around our hands so they wouldn’t tangle. Though I thought we’d be doing it fast, Frank looked like he was taking his time, slowly pulling the cord, making odd idle small talk. Just as I was about to ask him if everything was alright, he subtlety glanced behind him, then snapped back to me, dropping the sentence he was in the middle of. 

“So you do get that Gerard is like really into you right?” Frank said looking at me pointedly, though still grinning kind of naughtily.

I immediately flushed, my muscles going tense at his directness. Not to mention the implication that Gerard was romantically interested in me. It made my heart flutter in my chest and I had to stop myself from covering it with my hand. I cleared my throat, trying to clear the swarm of confused and excited thoughts in my head. 

“We get along pretty well for not knowing each other very long.” I said. Frank’s face dropped to utter fed up annoyance and disappointment. It made my heart sink a little. He rolled his eyes so much his whole head rolled with them. 

“No (f/n).” He said, voice low and a little angry. “Gerard likes you. You have to see that.” My heart jumped again, too eager for my liking. I couldn’t go down this road.

“Frank, Gerard and I are friends-” I started but was cut off again.  
“Okay, fine. So I was hoping I wasn’t going to spell it all out, but it looks like you’re going to be difficult unless I do. Look Ducky, Gerard is like borderline obsessed with you, shit, not like in a creepy way! It’s just like…fuck he hasn’t stopped talking about you almost since he met you, and it’s only gotten worse. He’s always like, (f/n) said this, or (f/n) did that, or I bet she would like this, or I wish she was here, you know like fucked over, puppy love, hearts in eyes, soul mate shit man.” Frank said. I blushed more, biting my lip and looked down at the cord I was slowly wrapping around my hand. Frank sighed. “Look, I know Gerard wouldn’t want me to say anything, I really don’t think he’s even admitted how he feels to himself. But just look around (f/n), he worships you. Did you not see how possessive he’s been tonight? The shout out and Our Lady of Sorrows was HIS idea. And how he gets when any other guy is around you? Shit, I’m surprised he hasn’t like pissed on your leg while you weren’t looking to mark his fucking territory. He’s touchy feely and all, but he’s never been glued to anyone like that. Even when he was with a girl.” 

 

I couldn’t help but let out a little laugh at the pissing comment. I opened my mouth slightly to disagree, or protest, but the words wouldn’t slip out under Frank’s harsh gaze. I let out a hefty sigh and instead let myself think about everything he’d told me. Could Gerard like me? Frank wouldn’t lie like this…no I can’t see a reason why he would. So I was on his mind too. I was important to him…he didn’t want other guys too close to me, probably jealous. I bit my lip harder as I finished winding the cord and flushed profusely. He had feelings for me. It made my insides ache and tingle with excitement. It was pretty obvious I returned the affection he felt for me. But…I swallowed. 

“Frank…it’s not like…” I sighed again, and he waited for me to continue. “…I’m not just your guy’s friend, I’m training to be your manager and shit. It isn’t like anything can really happen.” I said. 

“Bullshit,” Frank said grinning at me wickedly. “You’re really good with excuses Ducky. But that’s not going to fly. Are you into Gerard too, or not? Cuz it really feels like you are. You guys click together like fucking weird ass looking puzzle pieces.” I trembled, thumb grazing over the cord nervously. I had to look down again. “You’re both my friend’s (f/n). It’s not like I’m going to tell him, but do you like him too? Because I think if he sees you getting chummy with another guy it’s gonna kill him.” I quickly shook my head, the thought absurd. I brushed my bangs back nervously as I thought. It was always better to be honest. 

“Look Frank…” I began taking a shaky breath. “Gerard is…he’s like the greatest person I think I’ve ever met in my life. He’s amazing. He’s so talented, and sweet, funny, strong, smart, real…I…I just feel so blessed just to be in his life…to be able to call him my friend and spend time with him. I haven’t even know him, or any of you really, that long. But…I know I have feelings for him. If I was going to be with someone, well….honestly he’s the only guy I’ve actually been interested in. But I don’t think I’m ready for that. But I definitely would never want anybody else. I don’t know. I just want to be with him all the time, I want to help as much as I can. The pieces of him that aren’t so strong…the dark parts that are hurt and vulnerable, I want to protect them. I want to help make him feel okay, like I always wished someone would do for me. I see so much of myself in him sometimes it terrifies me, and it breaks my heart, because I know how painful it is. I just…I just want to help him, be around him.” 

I looked up at him after I’d finished babbling, trying to figure out how I felt. Luckily he wasn’t looking at me angrily anymore. In fact he was blushing and looked kind of bashful. 

“Shit,” Frank murmured, rubbing his hand over his face. “I’m not gonna lie Ducky, I’m kinda jealous right now. Almost wish I woulda called dibs on you myself-” 

“FRANK.”

“Yeah, yeah.” He said laughing he handed me his bundle to hold and started twining the last one himself. “Like I could’ve gotten between you guys anyway. Fuck.” I trembled a little, shifting uncomfortably on my feet.

“OH, hey, hey, it’s alright.” Frank said smiling warmly at me and rubbing my shoulder. “Friends right? I’m not gonna say anything, even if he’d probably cream his pants if I told him.”

“F-Frank!” I shouted, but couldn’t stop the nervous laughter that bubbled out of me. “Shut up,” He just laughed back. 

“It’s fine. I’m like a hundred percent sure that everything’s going to work out for you guys. I might push you together from time to time…” He said and I punched him. He faked being hurt, rubbing his arm and wincing. He laughed again. “But seriously, you’re meant for each other, Papa Frankie totally approves.”

“Shut up Frank!” I said laughing, but hugged him tightly, he squeezed me hard, rubbing his hands comfortingly over my shoulders and back. 

“Don’t worry (f/n). You’ve got bestie status for life. I’ve got your back, so don’t fucking hesitate to come to me. We’ll battle it out play station style and form a plan of attack.” I laughed again, clinging to him, happy and a little shaken by the support. I hadn’t even known I’d needed it. 

“I’ll kick your ass anytime.” I said and he laughed that high pitched laugh that sent butterflies in my chest.  
“There’s my little smart ass. Let’s finish up so we can….oh…heh, he’s so pissed.” Frank said chuckling.  
“What?” I said trying to pull away, but Frank held me tighter. “It’s cool, I’m just making Gee a little jealous is all. Act cool and play it off.” 

He finally let me go laughing and I couldn’t help but smile. I looked to the back door and saw Gerard coming towards us, looking like a kicked and angry puppy. I flushed, a strange rush of guilt and excitement. Frank handed me the last cord and grabbed his guitar that was already in his case.  
“Lets go put this in the van.” He said. 

“I can take something else out. Let me get your amp.” I said reaching for it.

“Uhn uh. I don’t think soooo.” Frank said grabbing it and dancing away. I stopped by another one anyway. 

“This Ray’s?” I asked and Frank turned around. 

“Yeah, but-” 

I ignored him, pulling the cords up my arms and lifted the amp. Luckily it wasn’t that big and not all that heavy. I did have to be careful because the muscles in my back were fucked, but it felt alright. Gerard reached me just as we started heading out. He looked a little more bashful than usual, head tilted down and mouth in a small pout.  
“What were you guys talking about?” Gerard asked, fingers brushing my arm. 

“Bout how she refuses to let us do all the lifting by ourselves.” Frank said and nudged me along laughing. Gerard chuffed, obviously not believing him. For a moment Gerard reached out to help me with the amp but I kept walking.

“Nope, I’ve got it” I said smiling and slipping past him. Frank laughed.  
“Get you mike n’ shit, we’ll meet you in the van.” Frank said, pulling me along out the door. Frank laughed as we walked through the alley passing Ray and Matt. “Fuck did you see that, he’s gonna fucking kill me later! Haha!” I rolled my eyes at him. 

“Frank,” I scolded. 

“What? It’s not like we were really doing anything.” He said as we reached the van, Mikey was talking to someone on the phone in the front seat. “I just might have implied we could be is all, a little bit.” He continued, setting down his shit then turning to me and raizing his eyebrows suggestively. 

“Not a chance.” I said deadpanned. Frank burst into more laughter. 

“Haha, see that’s what I love about you Ducky, so serious and brutal all the time, I fucking love it.”

“Stop fucking calling me that.” I said rolling my eyes. 

“Whhyy? You let Rain call you that all the time.” He protested sitting on the edge of the open back of the van. 

“Yeah, but Rain fixes my hair and makes me sweets. She can call me whatever she wants.” I say leaning against the van next to him and he laughs.  
“So I have to appease the beast by making an offering first?” Frank said sassily. I rolled my eyes at him but couldn’t help but laugh. 

“Some people are too annoying to accept even with an offering,” I said flatly. 

 

“Hey!” he cried and grabbed my wrist, pulling at it, trying to drag me over to him. We were both laughing when we saw Gerard and the other guys come out the back door. Gerard was looking anything but pleased. The thought of a pouting child entered my head again. I wondered briefly if perhaps he would throw a tantrum. I shook it off. I didn’t like knowing I made him upset. Yeah it made me feel important to have him feel jealous over me, but I know I wouldn’t have liked it if it was the other way around and he was getting chummy with Rain. 

“Frank lay off. I don’t want to upset him.” I whispered, pulling my arm away. 

“Oh come on, it was just getting good!” Frank whined but didn’t reach out for me again. Frank and I got out of the way while Gerard put his mike and stand away. 

“Do you need any more help, or is that everything?” I asked smiling warmly at him. He seemed to perk up slightly at the attention and sauntered over to us.

“No, that was it. Thanks for helping, you really didn’t have to.” He said smiling back. This time I did notice when he stood between me and Frank. He rested his head on top of mine happily, drawing closer and slowly pushing the smaller guitarist out of my view. I heard Frank chuff softly, probably stifling a laugh.  
“I wanted to, would’ve been stupid if I just stood around watching.” I said patting his back. He nuzzled closer into my side, pulling me in and smiling at the contact. Frank leaned back so I could see his face and wagged his eyebrows at me. I rolled my eyes and laughed silently into Gerard’s shoulder, turning away. I heard a car door open and when I looked up Mikey had jumped back out of the van, done with his phone call and retrieved his drink.

“Hey, I’ve got shit to do so are we leaving or what?” Matt said shutting the van’s back doors. By the looks of it, it was his turn to be designated driver. Maybe that’s why he seemed like such a pissy bitch. I looked up to Gerard who frowned, rubbing the back of his neck.  
“Urrr, I’m gonna stay for a while. Mikes you good to go back by yourself?” Gerard asked. 

“Yeah, but how’re you going to get back?” Mikey said finishing his beer. 

“I’ll take care of him Mikey!” Frank piped up, with a lit cigarette. I hadn’t even noticed him take one out. 

“You’re staying right?” Gerard whispered in my hair. 

“Yeah, I’ll stay for a while,” I whispered back, turning towards him slightly. His answering smile was blinding. 

“I’m heading home too, you guys have fun.” Ray said. Gerard moved around me to hug Mikey and I waved goodbye to Ray as he thanked me with a smile. I didn’t miss Matt rolling his eyes, my anger peaking anew, and I decided I’d had enough. Matt walked around to the driver side door, luckily blocked off from the rest of the guys for a moment. I slipped around the guys unnoticed and followed him. He opened the drivers door and I grabbed the sleeve of his jacket, tugging it before he could go inside. He turned around and actually looked a little started to see me, maybe it was my glare, I couldn’t fake smile. 

“Is there a reason why you have a problem with me?” I asked quietly so the other boys couldn’t hear us. Luckily it sounded like they’d struck up a conversation again so I had a little time.

“Er…what?” He said looking around him nervously, I guess he wasn’t used to women being direct without making a scene.

“The attitude you’ve been giving me since day one. I’ve been ignoring it, but since it looks like it’s going to be an issue now, I want it to end, preferably peacefully. So, why?” I said.  
He straightened, gathering himself up, maybe trying to look tuff, I couldn’t really tell. 

“Not everyone has to like you Blondie,” He said lowly, but I could feel the distain in the last word. The word Blondie made my jaw clench. There was nothing that got to me worse than when someone started making blonde comments. 

“You’ve met me three times, and I’m sure I haven’t done anything that could have upset you.” I growled, deciding I didn’t need to be civil anymore. 

“I just don’t have any use for eye candy hanging around and getting everyone to fawn over her. I don’t see why we need-” He started.

“You need me because I’m trying to help you make something of your music,” I snapped, and his mouth shut and eyes widened. “I don’t know where you got that impression of me, and I don’t fucking care. You knew you’d be working with me from the beginning, and didn’t say shit, so the time for protesting has passed. Like it or not, I’m going to be working with you guys. I don’t care if you like me, but you will treat me with fucking respect. Got a problem tell me, but don’t you dare call me derogatory names again, or we’re all going to have a fucking problem. Do you understand me?” I growled. His mouth snapped open and shut while his wide eyes just gaped at me.

“Do you understand?” I snapped anger making me rash and bold. 

“I…er…yeah…” He said voice trailing off, face red. He looked down, maybe kicking away a rock as he grumbled. 

“Good,” I said as I watched Mikey getting in the front seat. I listened to them all saying bye. “Drive safe and have a good night,”

I felt him look back up at me, but I was already trailing away. I heard him snort softly and get in. 

“Hey, what were you doing?” Gerard asked as I rejoined them and the van drove away.

 

“Oh, I just had something I wanted to ask Matt about. Ready to go back in?” I asked. They both nodded, stomping out their cigarettes and following me back to the door. 

We spent the next hour having fun in the crowded bar, Gerard getting smashed, until finally I suggested it was enough. We’d been on our own for a while, Frank saying hi to some old friends. Gerard cuddled against me in a booth, getting clingier the drunker he got, though he was still a gentleman. His hands never once wandered to my chest, ass, or thighs. But his weight against me was getting heavier and the smell of booze stronger, and my worry greater. So it was definitely time to find Frank and have him take him home.  
“I’m going to be right back, I’m going to find Frank so he can drive you home.” I said scooting to get up. 

“Nooooooo! I don’t wanna go yet. I like sitting here with you!” Gerard whined. 

“Gee, we both need to go to bed.” I said. “I’ll just go get Frank,”

“No FRANK!” Gerard protested squeezing me tighter. “I don’t like it when you’re alone with him!”

 

“Why not?” I said laughing at his childishness.

 

“CUZ HE LIKES YOU TOO! I DON’T WANNA SHARE!” Gerard said, his voice going higher. “Stay with me…”

 

“Gee,” I chuffed affectionately, standing and softly taking his hands off me. He looks up at me, pout, watery eyes and all. I lean forward and brush his bangs back so I can press my lips to his forehead. “Just a minute I promise,” I whisper and slip away. My insides tickle when I see him flush and my skin tingles where I’d just felt his hands on me. This is enough. I’m getting to comfortable, and he’s drunk, and I can’t think that this really means anything. Maybe he’s just really lonely like me and I’m the only girl he feels comfortable with right now. I groan under my breath and put it out of my mind searching for Frank. When I do, he’s standing around with some other guys laughing loudly…and he’s piss drunk.

“FRANK!” I shout shoving him from behind. He stumbles forward a bit, then turns around and sees it’s me. 

“Ducky! Hey sunshine how’s it going?” He says smiling. I roll my eyes and try to force down my anger. 

“Frank what are you do-ing?” I snapped. “You were supposed to get Gerard home! How the hell are you planning on driving when you’re both drunk?”  
Frank just waves my words off, taking my shoulder and walking us a few feet away, out of earshot.

“I didn’t actually say I was DRIVING him HOME.” He said grinning like he was the cleverest little jerk to ever live. “All I said was that I’d take care of him.” His grin widened and he looked at me like there was a joke I wasn’t getting. 

“What?” I snapped. He laughed. 

 

“Well….I’m getting a ride with friends….Your house is only a couple blocks away. Someone should really walk you home...”

My face fell and I bit my lip. Fucking Frank. I face palmed and leaned back groaning. 

“You fucking did this on purpose!” I exclaimed. Frank giggled. 

 

“Yeah, I did.” He said. 

 

“Frank,” 

 

“Look, it’s fine. It’s not like you guys have to do anything. Let Gee crash on your couch, or just call him a cab and send him home. Friends have sleepovers right?” He said. I was about to protest again when one of his friends called out to them. “I’ve gotta go, that’s my ride! You kids have fun!” 

And with that Frank got away, leaving me with a drunk, sad, clingy, man child…that I also couldn’t help stop thinking about in a romantic way. DAMN IT FRANK!!!!!!!! Okay. All I have to do is go talk to Gerard. I can take him back home with me. Maybe he wants to go back to his home. I’m sure his bed would be more comfortable than my couch. I could probably drive him. I was over thinking this. It was fine. I was just blowing it out of proportion because of what I was feeling. I got back to Gerard and he perked up when he didn’t see Frank with me.  
“Hey,” he said smiling, head laid out on the table. 

“Hey, do you think you’ll make the walk back to my place? It’s only a few blocks.” I said rubbing his back. It was starting to hit him I think. We definitely needed to leave. 

“Y-your place?” he stuttered and I face palmed again. Fuck, always so awkward, always making shit sound sexual. 

“Yeah, while we weren’t watching Frank got trashed and left with some friends. I can call you a cab if you want? Or if you can make the walk to my place-”

“Your place is fine! I’m fine!” He said rising. I chuckled at his eagerness. 

I kept his arms wrapped around my shoulders for balance. It took us a while but we finally made it back to my place. A nice little apartment in a duplex, luckily on the bottom. I let Gerard in, happy I’d just cleaned up the day before. Unfortunately he was starting not to look so good. His eyes skimmed over my walls, covered in artwork, eyes large as he spun in a slow circle. The walls were different shades of gray, per my request when I moved in. 

“They wouldn’t let me paint murals on them so….I figured nailing stuff up everywhere would have to do.” I told him as I went into the kitchen to get him a glass of water. He just nodded his head, walking closer to get a better look. 

“Everything you do is amazing,” he murmured and I blushed, thanking him. I handed him the water and he started sipping at it, thanking me back. I watched him quietly where he made his way into my kitchen, taking in my checkered tile and coca cola collection. I offered him something to eat then made him a small simple sandwich. You’d think I’d made the next culinary marvel the way he ate it. Then a few minutes later as I was about to ask him what he wanted to do his face pinched. He asked for the bathroom and I told him where to go. He didn’t even close the door before he was heaving into the toilet. Shouldn’t have been drinking so much, I thought. But I came in with him anyway, and he didn’t seem to mind the intrusion. I pulled some of his hair back and away from his face, using my other hand to comfortingly rub his back. I cooed and soothed him as best I could while he rested on the bowl.  
“There you go, see, all over. That wasn’t so bad.” I said and handed him his water so he could spit. He thanked me and I asked him if he was done. He sighed, then reluctantly let out a yeah… I let him sit and rest for a minute, letting his stomach settle. I got out one of my guest toothbrushes, neatly packaged. There was no way he wouldn’t want to after that….oh…I paused for a moment when I realized I was already planning for him to stay the night with me. I stopped, then came back to him, handing him more water, and rubbing his back again soothingly like my mother had done for me when I was just a child. He hummed, actually smiling at me before he spit again.

“You’re so nice…” he groaned into the bowl. “Always so nice to me.” For some reason the small complement sent shockwaves down my spine, spreading out into a tingling warmth. It felt like he meant so much more. A complement I should pay attention to. I shook it off again, he was just drunk, and I was too hopeful for something I shouldn’t want in the first place.  
“Did you want me to get you home? I could drive you if you wanted.” I asked. He was quiet for a minute, just content to let me rub his back. 

“Can I…..would you mind if I spent the night with you?” He asked so softly I could barely hear. He didn’t look at me, face red, despite the paleness.

“Of course. Can you get up? You can brush your teeth and rinse out your mouth if you want, I have a new spare.” I said helping him up. He smiled, crookedly as he bit his lip. I left him then, going into my room to straighten up the sheets. He should sleep in here. It was much closer to the toilet than the couch, only a few steps, should he get sick again. 

“I might have some clothes you can fit into if you want….a big band t-shirt and well…” I trailed off thinking about the men’s batman pajama pants I owned. But it was hot, even with my AC. “Are you alright to sleep in boxers? I have some extra pairs I wear as pajamas.” I wait, listening to him rinse and spit. 

“T-shirt,” he murmured. “Mines all sweaty.” I nodded, even though he couldn’t see me and got an XL batman shirt out of my clean laundry pile. Luckily a lot of my shirts were mens. I had a rather large chest, and mens were always looser and more comfortable. I handed him the shirt and left him to change, returning to my room to do the same. I grunted a bit as I tried to find something comfortable. I usually slept naked, but that didn’t seem like a good idea right now. Honestly I don’t understand why people wear pajamas at all, they’re just hot and uncomfortable. I settled on an older shirt I’d cut into a tank top. It was soft and loose, and long enough to cover me almost to my knees. I threw my clothes into the hamper then put it on, as well as a new underwear…I tried not to dawn on the fact that I chose a rather new nice looking pair, red lace so dark it looked black. Just in case. 

When I was done I opened the door then sat on the bed to brush out my hair. I just started to braid it when I heard the bathroom door open and Gerard walked out hesitantly. My shirt fit him rather well, stretching a little over his chest, and exposing his strong pale arms. By the looks of it he’d chosen to wear his own boxers, black of course. I made sure to keep my eyes up by his face. 

“Come in, I was just finishing up.” I said. He stepped into my room, a little hesitantly and looked around. These walls were painted black and red, adorned with antique and Victorian frames and bobbles. My bed frame was black iron and the few pieces of furniture antique and burnished white. If I thought about it, it gave off a little bit of a vampire vibe. Of course I rather liked that. I’d wished so fervently for vampires to exist and be made one in my youth. Maybe I still did, but I pushed it out of my mind. I wanted to say, and this is my bedroom, to him to hopefully start us talking again, but that seemed so stupid. Of course this was my bedroom, what else would it be?  
“So this is your bedroom, I really like it.” Gerard said and I felt a little better. Of course he was drunk, so at least he had an excuse. 

“Thanks,” I said smiling and I cursed myself for the flush I could feel on my cheeks. “So I thought that you could sleep in here, it’s way closer to the bathroom. I’ll take the couch, so if you need anything, just yell for me until I wake up alright?” I said standing and went to leave the room. 

“Wait!” he exclaimed, grabbing hold of my wrist before I could leave. “I…you…..don’t leave.” He said, voice dropping to a whimper. I looked back at him, words failing me. I guess I’d just thought…that maybe he’d be uncomfortable if we shared the bed. I’d just thought that if he was there I had to be on the couch. Closeness was weird. I didn’t want to drive him away by being over familiar. But…if he was offering…

“You don’t mind if we share the bed?” I murmured, wanting…needing him to clarify. He quickly shook his head. 

“No, stay…..please…” he whispered. I nodded with a small smile. I quickly went to shut off the lights, and brush my teeth then came back. He was just sitting on the edge of the bed patiently, hands in his lap. My heart thumped loudly in my chest. Gerard was in my bed. Shut up brain! I smiled stupidly again, shutting off the light, so only the dim lamp at the head of the bed was still lit. He stood as I approached. My bed was against the wall so I got in first, that way he wouldn’t have to climb over me to get to the bathroom. Plus this was the side I favored anyway. Gerard crawled in after me, pulling the covers up over both of us. I reached up for the lamp cord as he snuggled in closer. 

“You all set?” I asked. He nodded eagerly, oddly quiet. I gave him one last smile and clicked it off. I settled back under the covers, getting comfortable in the darkness. I laid there for a minute, heart working into overdrive, just trying to keep my breaths steady. I wondered how we should do this. I guess I we were just supposed to face back to back and pretend like we didn’t know the other one was there. I turned to the window on my side, tucking my hands under my pillow like I always did. I couldn’t help but think about cuddling. I tried not to, but the image was so tantalizing. I wondered if Gerard was just as big a cuddler in bed. I shifted nervously. I shouldn’t think about it. But I couldn’t help it. Would I like it? 

I vaguely remembered when I still slept in bed with my parents. Three maybe, I think I’d tried cuddling with my mother, resting my head on her shoulder. I hadn’t gotten to for long. She’d pushed me away. Why I couldn’t remember. Loneliness….that was all that rang out at the memory. My body stiffened, my toes curled, I turned over halfway onto my back, letting one arm slip behind me. Moments after I did, I felt warm fingers gently brushing over mine. I didn’t jolt, but my chest quickly filled with warm and welcome affection. Our fingers touched, a little hesitantly, testing the water, trying not to startle each other. They slowly entwined, his arm brushing over mine. I felt him shifting on the bed behind me. I bit my lip when I felt him brush against my back, drawing closer, I realized. I let out a small sigh, leaning back into him so my back was pressed against his chest. I heard him hum softly, his face settling into my shoulder, nose pressing against the back of my neck. 

Tears pooled in my eyes, spilling over softly. My chest was clenched tight, with emotions I wasn’t quite sure of. Gerard didn’t push me away like everyone else did. He pulled me closer. My breaths trembled in my chest. Warmth and affection, drunk or not he showered me with them. I didn’t even have to ask. I almost let out a laugh, how sad I was for being so moved by simple things normal people had every day. I wanted to burry myself in him, wrap him around me until he was all I could feel. I was so lost, falling so fast, finding myself needing him more desperately each day. His fingers gripped mine tighter and I smiled. On impulse I squeezed back, then pulled our intertwined hands up around my waist. It made his arm wrap around me, pulling him closer. He made a sound close to a whimper into my neck, his arm tightening around me.

“Goodnight Gerard,” I whispered squeezing his hand.

“Night (f/n),” He whispered into my ear, his warm thin lips moving against my neck. I almost startled as his other wrapped around me from below, squeezing me in an intimate hug. I bit my lip. I couldn’t laugh. Of course Gerard was a cuddler. I chuffed a little, as I realized by the overwhelming happiness spilling from my chest, I probably was too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So....this took me like a really long time to write. And I kept wondering why, but then when I finally finished I realized it was like 20 pages long. FUCK. So I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I feel like shit is starting to get real kids! Not sure about the next chapter, but I'm thinking about doing another one from Gee's perspective. As always, let me know what you think! Comments are like life fuel for my writing here! Seriously! You can just put a smiley face if you want, and I'll spin around and do some awkward fist pumping on this end. Thanks everyone for your support. I miss you when I'm gone too long! 
> 
> P.S. Sunburn sucks. Stay cool, stay safe, especially you my albino brethren. 
> 
> -Batty X)


	6. Chapter 6

It smells like almond cookies. It makes my mouth water. Vanilla, butter, almond extract and warmth…like my grandmothers kitchen in fall…just slightly spicy. Sweet pea flowers, graphite and ink and home, home so perfect and warm I never want to leave. It makes my heart clench in my chest, and I recognize it as longing, longing and happiness, contentment. Where did that come from? I didn’t feel weighed down, buried and hopeless…empty and too full at the same time…till all I could do to ease the pain was sleep.   
My eyes flutter open in my confusion, only then do I realize I’ve been half asleep. I shut them again. I don’t want to wake up yet. I feel good, happy. I must have been having a good dream, one I want to get back to. Live in. I remember the smell of almond cookies and ink. (f/n). My mouth curves into a smile. Of course the dream would be good if she was in it. My eyes are closed and I still feel heavy with sleep, but something keeps me from drifting back out. I shift, trying to stretch and get more comfortable. But when I try to move is when I notice the warmth, when I realize the tangle of limbs isn’t only my own. I open my eyes again slowly. It’s dark, still early, the sun is just starting to rise from the black of night, but there’s just enough light to make out darkened shapes.   
My head is tucked against a shoulder, nose pressed against a pale neck. I inhale again softly, and I’m flooded with that same mouth watering smell. It wasn’t a dream. My eyes fight against the gritty sleep trying to keep them shut, but I’m determined now. My heart is pounding. I squint, making out fine blonde hairs. I swallow, my brain starting to spin. I’m not in my bed…I’m not even in my house. I’m with (f/n). I want to gasp, I bite my lip. I start to groan, but I bite it off. I’m pressed up against my (f/n)’s back, my arms curled around her. The way I always want them. The only way I can have them were they don’t twitch, fingers itching for something. My hand flexes, and I realize hers is interwoven with it. My heart squeezes and I swallow again, biting back the urge to sob. I’m grinning like an idiot. It’s so intimate, so trusting. I feel so connected to her…it makes me feel whole…like she reins in and holds together all my broken scattered pieces. I have to swallow again.   
I want to burry my face in her neck. To smell and see and feel nothing but her. I run my nose down her neck. I was sleeping next to (f/n). We’d never done this before. It was…fuck…it was perfect. Beyond perfect. Had I ever felt this happy? I breathed her in for a few more moments, taking in her unbelievable warmth. I was sleeping with (f/n). My brain slowed, trying to process, finally realizing there was something to process. How the fucking hell had I ended up in bed with (f/n)?! My heart started pounding again. Fuck! Last night, what happened last night?! I pulled back from her, sighing in relief when I realized we were wearing clothes.   
Thank God. I hadn’t done anything stupid. Well okay, I hadn’t done anything so stupid it had ruined everything between us. I pulled back a little more, not because I wanted to, God knows I didn’t, but I needed a moment to breathe and think past my hangover. My hand slipped from hers, and I bit my lip, mourning the loss silently. Okay, I’d gotten kinda annihilated after the show. For a moment all I remembered was wanting to be close to her and not wanting Frank to get between us. Then….what then? …….if you can make it back to my place......  
I flushed. That was right. (f/n) let me come home with her. I remembered her trying to feed me…then yacking in the toilet. Great job Gerard, really smooth. Nothing sexier than a dude paining your shitter face first. I inwardly groaned, but then remembered how sweet she’d been. How attentive and considerate. I flushed again looking at her. She was so wonderful. I loved her so mu- I stopped the thought before it could finish. No, it was way too soon for that. I couldn’t let myself think like that yet. Who the fuck are you kidding, a voice in my head growled. You’re already writing her love songs in your head. You’re just too big a pansy to actually write them down and show her. You even think about her when you’re singing the old ones you moron. I groaned rubbing my face.   
(f/n) shifted slightly, still asleep, making the blanket fall off her farther. I gasped, choking as it exposed her sleeping form to me. Her loose band tee had ridden up high on her stomach. My hand flew over my mouth as breath started to rush out of it in short clipped pants. She was so fucking beautiful. I felt a noise building in my throat but it wouldn’t come out. Her cute butt was turned towards me, her pale curves so full and feminine. But then, oh fuck. Her panties were…oh god. I had to swallow as my cheeks flushed and the rest of the blood in my body started heading somewhere else. Little toxic blood colored lace, gripping her full pale ass, long curved legs pouring out of them. I wanted to kiss them until I reached the curve of her flushed skin peeking out from the dark lace, then bite to see how she would taste. I bite my lip, groaning.   
She shifts again and I nearly jump out of my skin. Fuck. I’m hard. Not just a little, but full on, ready and rearing to go hard. Fuck me. I flush, looking away, feeling like a creep. I shouldn’t be looking at her like this while she’s sleeping. She trusts me. I’d never ruin that. I sigh, slipping out of the bed and into the bathroom, shutting the door quietly.  
I manage to calm myself down, taking time to brush my teeth, I don’t want to assault her with morning breath. When I come back in the room I smile seeing her still lying asleep but facing towards me. So beautiful, inside and out. My heart’s overflowing so much I don’t know how I can take it. I climb back in next to her, scooting as close as I can. She groans, stretching and placing her hands on my chest. I smile, inching forward and she yawns. It’s loud but soft at the same time, so cute it makes me laugh. Her eyes lazily squint open, staring at me emptily, then shut as she stretches again.   
“Good morning,” I whisper. I can’t even keep the sleepy smile off my face. She draws closer, arms slipping up to wrap around my neck. Her head rests on my arm and my heart pounds. I take the opportunity to slip my arms around her back and pull her closer. She murmurs contentedly.   
“Morning,” She mumbles, her voice low and sexily rough with sleep. It fits her so well. “Are you getting up already?” I shake my head.   
“No, bathroom.” I murmur. She lets out a soft clipped sigh of understanding, it’s too cute and soft for me to call it a grunt. I rest my head on top of hers and stroke her hair.   
“You don’t have to be anywhere do you?” She asked so low and growly I could barely hear her. I shook my head softly. No, nowhere but your arms. She hummed, seemingly happy at that then sighed again. Her fingertips ran up my neck into the roots of my hair. I groaned and she let out a soft clipped laugh. “I can make you something to eat if you’re hungry.” She said, but when I looked down at her, her beautiful eyes were still closed. I smirked.   
“I’d rather stay like this.” I whispered. “Not done sleeping yet.”

She grunted her agreement, stretching again and getting comfortable one last time before falling asleep in my arms. I feel myself drifting back too, but instead I play with her hair. This is the most intimate I think we’ve ever been. Sleeping in bed together. Talking about when to get up…breakfast…it’s all so domestic. I try to stop my overactive imagination even though I know it’s futile.   
I picture us in love, living together, here, maybe an apartment somewhere else. I imagine going to bed and waking up together every day, toothbrushes side by side, our rooms scattered with art supplies and notebooks, warn and filled with ink. All our things mixed together, becoming one. I’d use her shampoo sometimes, just so I could smell her later…on days we had to be apart. She might use my body wash for the same reason. I smiled, nuzzling into her hair, and the fantasy continued to shift.  
I let success slip in, hers and mine, making the band famous, and now I’ve bought us a house. We design it together. One of my hands finds one of hers tangled in my hair and I stroke her ring finger. We could get married. (f/n) Way. I flush. We could have a kid maybe. Just one, boy or a girl, either is fine. Either way they’d be just like us, a creative brooding artist. With a big heart, tender and empathetic, creative and independent. Maybe prone to melancholy like me…but they’d have her to make it better, to keep them from feeling the drowning sadness that I did. How could they be sad with her around? I couldn’t be.

I didn’t notice I’d fallen asleep until I woke to her angelic face bathed in soft morning light. I wished I could kiss her. Our eyes started opening at the same time, her yawning and stretching again. She looked more awake this time, and for a moment I wondered if it would get uncomfortable. But it didn’t. Her head had slid back from my shoulder to my arm. She rubbed her eyes, smiling and mumbling good morning. I’m about to answer her, trying to resist kissing her, when her cell phone starts going off. Some kind of guitar riff that sounds familiar. She apologizes, sliding out of my arms and I feel like crying again. She pulls her cell out from the window ledge beside her. She yawns again as she answers it, putting it on speaker.   
“Hello?” She groans turning back towards me. I can’t resist pulling her back to me. Am I taking advantage of her sleepiness? Yeah definitely.   
“(FFFFFF/NNNNNN)! Hey! So what happened last night? Gerard went home with you right? Riiiiiiiggghhttt?” The voice prodded suggestively. Fucking Frank.   
“Frank,” (f/n) groaned, jaw now clenched as she pinched her brow. “I’m gonna fucking kill you.” I rubbed her back, trying to draw her back into our perfect embrace. I snorted in agreement. It would be Frank who ruined everything. Cuddle blocking mother fucker.   
“What? Are you still sleeping….ohhhh…wore yourselves out last night huh? I get it.” Frank said laughing. I swear I could feel him winking through the phone.  
“Shut the fuck up Frank.” She growled. I grumbled under my breath. Then I instantly regretted it when I heard Frank got silent.   
“Was that Gerard?” Frank asked. We made eye contact over the phone, both our faces saying oh shit, we really fucked ourselves over now. “ YOU GUYS ACTUALLY SLEPT TOGETHER!? WHAT HAPPEN-”  
“FRANK!” She yelled cutting him off. “WE SLEPT! JUST SLEPT! OKAY?! I have a queen size bed like less than ten steps away from the toilet so we just decided to share it. AS FRIENDS. Don’t get fucking dizzy.” Frank was silent for a moment then started to talk again.   
“Shut up Frank!” I snapped growling, trying to get him to notice how pissed I was that he ruined our blissful first morning together. I would get him for this later. I gently plucked the phone from her warm soft palm and hung up on him. I gave it back to her and she sighed before turning it off.   
“He’s just going to keep calling back,” she grumbled in explanation. 

“Sorry,” I murmured, knowing it was my fault for making a noise. She shook her head. 

“It’s not your fault. I swear even if we were silent he would have fucking spidey sensed it anyway.” She said. I smiled and pulled her closer, kissing her forehead. She blushed but smiled back. We’d gotten closer. It was new, fragile, barely noticeable, but a small line had been crossed. There was the friendship, pure and strong, but as I looked into her beautiful eyes I could feel something else. The smallest tinge of romance. A silent promise neither of us could acknowledge. Yes I think I feel that way about you, this closeness feels right. Too fragile and new to turn into anything else yet, but so close, and so warm.   
I thought back to earlier when I tried to deny that I loved her. I thought about it again, looking at her beautiful face, yellow hair tangled and spilling everywhere. We’d become best friends, in that magical way that just kind of happens and clicks into place in a moment. She was probably my best friend, I couldn’t count my brother, that was just different. If she was my best friend of course I loved her. We both laughed lightly as our foreheads pressed together. I bit the inside of my lip to stop myself from pressing hers to mine. There was something between us. Beautiful and warm and gentle and everything I’d ever dreamed of. And it smelled like almond cookies and ink.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry again for the long wait! Also sorry this chapter is short, but it was all my brain wants to put out right now. I've just been really struggling with my anxiety and depression again, especially lately. I'm not trying to complain but it makes it really fucking hard to get anything done, which is super frustrating. All my body wants to do all day is sleep. Also I promised myself that I had to finish my last chapter of the novel I'm working on before I could work on anything on here again. Way more time slipped by than I realized. I'll try not to be gone so long this time. I really miss you guys when I'm gone! Also fun fact, for some reason I was listening to System of a Down's album Hypnotize when I wrote most of this. Why? I have no clue, early 2000's nostalgia? Anywhoozle....Thank you guys for reading and sticking around! Your comments and kudos really lift my sprits so thank you from the bottom of my heart, you don't know what it means to me and my tiny ego. Haha. 
> 
> Love you! Don't be a stranger! X/  
> -Batty


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted to dedicate this chapter to my new wonderful friend Ellie! Happy Birthday girl! Whoooo! :3

The room smelled faintly of coffee from the pot started hours ago. It was warm and comforting, like the couch I curled against, listening to Gerard going through another take. It all made the small studio feel less like an intimidating work space, and more homey like a friends basement. I curled into the corner, my legs tucked half up around me, laptop perched on them as I leaned up against the cushions. I used it to try to focus, working on side projects and taking notes to distract myself from the pounding of my heart at Gerard’s voice. I couldn’t hear what he said as he talked to Brian in the booth between takes, but my nerves always jerked whenever he spoke, my ears picking up, recognizing the lilt of his voice and straining to try to listen to him. I shifted my focus back to the laptop. I’d grown accustom to taking it in with me. Sitting and watching for hours had felt too odd for me. Doing nothing but focusing on the boys wasn’t doing anything productive, and Frank catching me staring at Gee hadn’t been great either. But this was good, comfortable, and I could stop and listen or talk whenever I needed to. I always stopped and discretely watched him when he was doing his takes. He was so incredible, so dedicated and unbelievably talented.   
“Hey (f/n),” Mikey said smiling and sitting comfortably next to me, he rested familiarly against my legs. I smiled back at him. I liked Mikey, I’d gotten to know him better the past few weeks and he was a sweet and funny quirky kid. We’d bonded a little, probably because of Gerard and there was a pleasant and friendly vibe between us, completely lacking any kind of sexual tension, making him feel like a brother to me.   
“Hey Mikes,” I said acknowledging him. He’d finished laying down some new bass tracks a few minutes ago and was now settling down with yet another cup of coffee. Ray was on the other side of the studio office, at the control panels, listening with a headset and conversing with Gee now and again. Ray was surprisingly good at producing and composing music, he and Gerard had been running with what the producers where showing them. This album was going to be fucking amazing, a god damn movement. It sent chills up my spine and butterflies in my stomach.   
“So, hey….I’ve been wondering. Ummm, have you been talking to Matt?” He said looking at me. I looked up from my laptop, closing it halfway to give him my attention, confused. Why would he ask me that? “Or, did you say something to him?”  
“Matt?” I asked, my mind immidiatly going to the only conversation I’d ever had with him. “Why?”My gut clenched a little. Should I not have been so forceful? Would he be mad? No…I hadn’t done anything wrong. Just stood up for myself and tried to resolve things. Mikey looked away a little embarrassed.   
“Well, not really. I mean it’s probably nothing, I’m being dumb….but..” He said fidgeting with his glasses. I shook my head.  
“No, go on. Tell me.” I prompted.   
“It’s just…like after that show a couple weeks ago, the one at the bar in Newark, he’s been asking about you.” He said and my face scrunched in thought. I bit my lip, about to ask him what he’d been asking when he continued. “It wasn’t anything really weird or anything. Just, when he got me or ray alone he’s been asking about you, like what you’re like and what shows you were going to come to, or what we thought about you. And it’s probably totally normal it’s just…like weird for him to do. Especially because before it seemed like…”  
“Like he didn’t want me around or have anything to do with me?” I asked dryly. Mikey looked up, surprised I finished his thought.   
“Well, yeah. I’m sorry I know he was being a tool that one time. Well, and he’s kinda douchey all the time. So it’s just weird that all of a sudden he’s trying to ask about you when no one else is around.” Mikey said and looked out at the booth, obviously at Gerard. Shit, was he trying to say he thinks Matt is suddenly into me? I’m sure that can’t be it. He probably just wants to get rid of me. But the fact that he’s looking at Gerard and implying he’s not talking about me around him because of this weird thing between us is more than embarrassing. Ugh. It’s just my personal mixed up feelings, no one else should even notice it.   
“Hmmm, he probably didn’t appreciate what I told him after the show.” I murmured then reached for my water bottle full of blue Gatorade.   
“You talked to him after the show? What did you say?” Mikey asked focusing his attention back on me. I gave a half hearted shrug.   
“Not much. I just told him that I didn’t appreciate his attitude towards me and that he had his chance before all of this to complain or say he didn’t want me involved. Then I said it was fine if he didn’t like me but I wasn’t going to take his shit so he needed to treat me with respect or we were going to have problems.”

Mikey just stared back at me. After a few moments of silence my gut started to clench and I started to worry if I’d messed up. Then he erupted into laughter. I jumped slightly then smiled nervously. Still I sighed a breath of relief. I laughed softly as he leaned back, hand grabbing my knee to support himself.   
“What?” I asked as Mikey stopped laughing. 

“Nothing, it’s just, you’re so chill all the time. It’s just kinda hilarious when you’re brutal. You don’t take any shit from anyone.” Mikey said and I smiled a little more. He wasn’t mad, in fact he even seemed to like me better now. I felt relieved. These were the friends I always wanted. It was nice. I shrugged.   
“ I was just honest. I didn’t want it to start causing problems, and I wasn’t going to deal with him being an ass to me for no reason.” I said.   
“Yeah, no I totally get it. That’s awesome. People usually don’t talk back to him like that. No one really ever calls him out when he’s being an ass. Maybe that’s why he’s acting weird.” He replied. I just shrugged.   
“It doesn’t matter. He can ask about me if he wants.” I said. “Anyway how’s it feel knowing you’re a third of the way done recording the album?” I said. Mikey grinned. 

“It’s awesome! And I can’t believe we’re going to tour with Green Day next week! You’re coming with us too, you ready?” Mikey said smiling at me. 

“Nine days living out of a van with five guys? Uh, yeah, who wouldn’t be?” I said giving him full sarcastic sass like I knew he enjoyed. He laughed more, boyish and loud. I smiled. Being around Mikey was relaxing. Everybody’s kid brother. He really could be your brother if you and Gee-EEEEEeeeerrrrrrr! NOPE! LET’S STOP RIGHT THERE BRAIN! OKAY! CLOSE ONE. 

I looked up and noticed Gerard through the booth window. In an instant his eyes were boring through mine, his face lighting up as he broke into that world class grin. Warmth flooded my chest. Oh Gee, please don’t look at me like that. It isn’t good for my heart. Even so I couldn’t stop my answering smile. I waved at him and he quickly waved back, looking excited and happy. Good. He should be happier, without having to get hammered all the time. Mikey snorted. I looked back at him, challengingly. He just rolled his eyes and leaned back against the couch. I cleared my throat. 

“So, you’ve done this van touring thing before. Is there anything you suggest I should take with me?” I asked. I’d already thought about it for the past week, making myself a list, finding a bag, obsessing over how much I could take. 

“Ummmmm…like besides Funyuns?” Mikey said laughing. “A swimsuit maybe? It’s hard to find a place or time to take a shower. Sometimes all that’s around is like a hose or locker shower rooms. Depends on where we end up, but it’s usually places you can’t be naked.” I just laughed. 

“Alright, swimsuit it is.” I said. Even though I’d already tried on all the suits I owned and set two aside to pack later. I asked Mikey a few more questions, and he answered them all, making me feel a little less nervous about the trip. We talked on and off, mostly listening to Gerard going through some takes. I was reassured the size of my bag was fine, it wasn’t a giant suitcase after all. Then he came rolling in, like a hurricane, as per usual. 

“Ducky!” Frank sang as he hurled himself into the room. Luckily I’d shut my laptop while I’d been talking to Mikey and managed to save it as he tossed himself into my lap. Oooff. Really Frank? My ribs protested and I pushed back against him with my knees as best I could.   
“Jesus Frank, can you just chill every once in a while.” I hissed. I could hear Mikey laugh even though Frank was now blocking most of my view. He was the smallest of the guys for sure, even so he was still bigger than me. I kept trying to shove him off, but he just kept shifting his weight, using gravity against me to tire me out . Ass. Shitty gravity. He laughed as I tried one final desperate push, putting all my force behind it. Frank just leaned back farther laughing. Finally I gave up, curling into myself as he splayed himself over me. It was always a fight with Frank. I was starting to think it might be better to just give into him. It might be less tiring. I caught my breath as he continued to laugh. 

“So ready for tour!!! Nine days with my Bestie!!!!” Frank said laying his head on my shoulder, sprawled over me belly up like I was a hammock. I frowned. Looking over to Mikey. 

“So there isn’t a chance the van’s a stick is there?” I asked. “Because if I can’t drive it there’s no reason for me to go-“ I said. 

“It’s automatic,” They both chimed in. I frowned again. Frank laughed. 

“No chance (f/n), besides…” Frank said, then leaned in so he could whisper in my ear. “I know neither of you could go a week without seeing each other.” 

“Shut up Frank!” I snapped and tried shoving him off again. He just laughed. I blushed furiously and looked nervously at Gerard. He looked towards me and I blushed more. Damn it. So what if I couldn’t go that long without seeing him? I already missed him and he hadn’t even been in the box for an hour. He’d made me so needy. Then I heard the door open. I looked up to Gerard walking into the room behind me. Frank and Mikey greeted him, but he just smiled tightly as he came up behind me. He shoved Frank off and onto Mikey as he reached past my shoulder. Frank whined in protest. Without saying anything Gerard gently wedged himself between me and Frank, poor Mikey being shoved all the way over to the end. I laughed, bracing his shoulders as he pushed against both of us as Frank whined. Mikey just rolled his eyes. Gerard satisfied with the distance leaned back against me, resting his head on my half bent knees. The nervousness I hadn’t realized I’d been feeling fades as he settles against me and I realize how I’d missed his touch. I uncross my arms and reach one out to stroke affectionately though his long black hair. I love the way it feels between my fingers. He makes a soft appreciative sound low in his throat and leans back into my touch. I tuck some strands back behind his ear and pull it away from his neck. He starts some snarky exchange between him and Frank. Mikey joins in but I don’t notice much of what they’re saying. Because he’s smiling again, as I continue to run my fingers through his hair, or gently sooth the muscles in his neck, and he takes my other hand dangling over the edge into his. Now Frank and Mikey are arguing about something and we’re forgotten again. 

“I’m not too heavy am I?” Gerard asks leaning back to look at me. I laugh at his innocent and worried expression. So honest. He looks like a little boy looking at me upside down with wide innocent eyes. I smile at him and laugh softly. 

“No Gee. You’re fine. I don’t mind.” I said running my fingers back through his bangs. He smiled again, toothy and wide and my heart felt like it was caught in a thunderstorm. It ached and fluttered. I wanted him to look this happy all the time. His face was flushed and he looked more animated than he had since I’d met him. Not quite as sickly pale. Good. Maybe this was good for him too. Maybe I was helping him. I realized I wanted that more than anything. I wanted to make him okay, not just here the words. I want to lean down and kiss his newly exposed forehead. But I look up nervously instead, biting my lip as I watch all the other people in the room. At least it wasn’t quiet, it was softly filled with everyone’s chatter.   
It was different from when we were alone. I tied to pinpoint why exactly that was. Because we didn’t need to explain or label things when it was just us? Everyone else, and by everyone else I mean Frank would totally take everything the wrong way and throw us out of wack. I loved him sure, and it felt like he loved me, but I couldn’t be sure what kind of love it was yet. And I didn’t want to. I was happy with the way things were between us right now. It was comfortable, familiar, safe.   
Since the first night he’d stayed over, when we were alone, it just felt….right. When we left everyone out of it and were just around each other. It was perfect. He’d been back to my place almost everyday since he crashed there drunk. Most weekends he stayed the night after shows. I’d pack him up after he got good and trashed, and take him home where we’d end up back in my bed. He hadn’t Ralphed since the first time, and I had to think he was drinking at least a little bit less than usual. Some nights it seemed like he was barely buzzed at all, but he still insisted coming back with me. If the other boys had noticed yet they hadn’t said anything. It wasn’t like we were doing anything. We just slept, sometimes waking up tangled together but that was it.   
Cool rough hands gave my hand a gentle squeeze and I looked down to see dark framed hazels watching me intently. Oh, I’d faded out again. Probably looking pretty dark. I could feel myself slipping into one of those moods. Like sinking into a pit of mud. I could pretend I was fine and try to work my way out of it, but no matter what it was going to wear me out until I got too tired to fight. I took a deep breath and let it out slowly so it didn’t sound like the sigh I so badly wanted to let out. Gerard’s beautiful dark brows furrowed and his small mouth pursed.   
“What’s wrong?” He whispered. Idiot don’t pull him down into your mess. You know he’s drowning too. You’re supposed to me a lifeline for him. I bit my lip then smiled, trying to focus on him to bring my mood back up. 

“Nothing, I just got lost thinking.” I said smiling and smoothed the concern out of his brows with a stroke of my thumb. “You’re doing so great. I’m so excited for the album, it already sounds amazing.” He smiles but his bright eyes looked feverishly into mine. His dark lashes were so pretty, making his eyes look even brighter. I was sure he couldn’t even pick out the colors swarming in my dark ones. Some kind of mixed up stormy grey and green blue sea.   
“Really?” He asks softly.  
“Of course. You’re so amazing Gerard. Why do you think I come in here to watch you every day?” I say and my words are sincere. He grins flushing but those eyes still gaze at me. A wave of self consciousness washed over me and I smiled tightly before ruffling his hair until he couldn’t see me anymore. I didn’t want him to see how I felt right now. I felt like the river back home when it swells and floods, ugly grey, dark and swirling, pulling everything down into it. I didn’t want him to see how stupid it looked for me to be near him, he shone so brightly, even draped in black, like a bright light casing all kinds of shadows around the room. Turning shapes into silhouetted fairytales on the walls. He filled a room, and I flooded it. I didn’t want to be that way around him.   
How are you going to hide it from him when you aren’t going to be able to get away for nine days? Gerard shifted, lifting his hands up, reaching back for me to pull us closer. I helped him shift up and he pulled me closer, halfway onto his lap before I could protest. His hand curled into the back of my neck, rubbing at my scalp and he rested his head on mine. Oh, Gee. Sometimes I wish we could understand each other better and you’d know what you were doing to me. Because I know I’m not supposed to love you. I’ve never had to fight anything before. It was so easy to talk myself out of any hint of feelings I might have had before. But I’ve never met anyone like you. What am I supposed to do when you twist me up like this. All I want to do is wrap myself all around and in you until I know you won’t leave me. I want so badly to let my mind drift to hearts and flowers and cliché scribbles fueled by naive fantasies like I’d seen so many love struck girls do. I want to borrow one of his jackets and forget to give it back so I can wear it at home where no one can see.  
I let the real me flood back in. The realist, the thinker, the girl who knows better than to look at the world through tinted rose colored glasses. I let her flood back in and drown the rest out. The hearts and flowers, the words inked with our names bleeding over the soaked paper until they wash away and I come back up to reality. I can’t lose sight of this, of myself. My emotions too tumulus to trust. Gerard’s thumb rubs along the strained muscles in my neck. I take a deep breath. I wrangle my laptop from the floor and open it. I’ll get myself right. Before we go on tour. A few days, I can do it. I think about Matt, the guy who never seems to be around but is suddenly asking about me. It makes my gut clench. Whatever his reason it can’t be good for me. No, no use thinking about that. I’ll deal with it if something happens. No use in worrying over another thing. Gerard nuzzles against my hair and I ignore the fireworks that explode through my nerves. I can do it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Back again. Sorry for the long wait. It's just how my life's going right now. Wanted to get a chapter out for Christmas but just couldn't get there. Haha. Anyway Merry late Christmas! Hope you're all doing good in the new year. I've already gotten sick, I've written this when I'm dealing with a cold so it might be a little off. Kinda a filler chapter. But good news is I've written an outline for this so it should be coming out a little easier. Next chapter on here will be off in the van on tour with Green Day! Some fun stuff coming up, but no smut, sorry, this is a super slow burn so hang in there with me. As always no idea when I'll update again, sorry about that. And thank you so much to all the readers who stick with me and are still reading my stuff. Thank you all for all your wonderful comments and kudos, it keeps me writing on here so please leave some. If you're too shy to leave a comment you can always email me, about anything, feel free to talk to me. battyjade74@gmail.com I'd love to hear from you!  
> Laters Lovelies!   
> -Batty :3


	8. Chapter 8

It’s warm. Not warm enough to be uncomfortable, but enough that we all have the windows down so a pleasant breeze can whip through the van as we cruse down the highway. I’m designated driver of course, I prefer it with my susceptibility to motion sickness. The boys seem to appreciate it too, content to do their own thing in the back. Gerard switches between riding in front beside me and directly behind me, always leaning forward so his chin rests on my seat. This makes me smile. The sun giving me some much needed vitamin D lifts my mood slightly. I’ve wrangled my curls into a bun to keep them from whipping Gerard in the face. It happened once hours ago and Gerard had whimpered about it, yet refused to lean back like a normal rational human being. It warmed my heart. 

Though no matter where he sat Gerard kept the map close. Whenever I mentioned something about where we were going he’d whip it out. I had to bit my lip whenever he did it to keep from laughing. We started our journey this morning. The boys picked me up in the van around eight. I threw my big bag in the back with all their instruments and luggage, not much more than dirty stuffed backpacks. My small backpack went under the seat behind me, guarded by Gerard. Driving actually wasn’t so bad. I only got anxious when I had to switch lanes or figure out where to go, but having the boys to rely on really helped. I could actually get to like this. Mikey, Ray and Matt are playing some kind of cards in the back. Gerard has a sketchbook out, sometimes I catch his hand moving against the page but his gaze is mostly fixed out the window. 

“Can we stop and get dinner soon? I’m fucking starving.” Frank whined in the front seat next to me. I chuckled and glanced down at the van’s clock. 

“How much farther to the venue?” I asked looking into Gerard’s eyes in the rear view mirror. He quickly drops what he was working on to pull out the map and figure out where we are. I mention the name of the last exit I remember and I can see his finger tracing the highway on the map, humming thoughtfully. 

“Bout twenty miles I think,” He says and tells me the name of the exit we’ll take. I hum thoughtfully, looking at the next exit directory sign as we pass. It’s about eight exits away. Not too far really, we’ve been making good time. I glance at the time again. If we don’t stop it’ll take maybe another twenty minutes to the exit….closer to forty five to get to the actual venue. We still have a little over two hours to get there on time. An hour break to grab a quick meal would be fine. The thriftier in me questions if they’ll have free food for the boys when we get there though. I shake it off. The boys shouldn’t have to do a show starving to death if they don’t. 

“We can take an hour to find somewhere to stop,” I say. Frank cheers next to me, perking up from his hunger pout. I let the boys start arguing over where to stop. I don’t really care. I’m just in charge of making sure they get to where they need to be on time. As long as I get that taken care of I feel accomplished. We pass a couple more exits before the boys see a picture for a diner on a food next exit sign that they agree on. I move over, switching lanes when Gerard very seriously gives the all clear. When Frank rolls his eyes I get the sense that without me in the car Gerard didn’t do much but nap against the window. Part of me was flattered at his protectiveness. We pull off and find the restaurant fairly easily. It’s a diner with an off name, instead of one in a franchise. I park and the boys get out before me, shuffling off. I pocket the keys and pat my jacket to feel my wallet before I slide out and shut the door. Gerard smiles at me as I do, leaning against his own door waiting for me. It makes warmth spread though my chest and across my face. I smile shyly at him and we fall in step together, arms touching. 

All of us pile into a larger booth in the back somehow, Gerard ussures me into a corner seat and slides in after me, effectively monopolizing and sitting space next to me. I tell myself that it doesn’t really mean anything. Most of the boys ordered veggie burgers. I rolled my eyes and tried not to gag. I always forgot Frank was a vegetarian. I happily ordered meatloaf. Frank took it upon himself to inform me about how unhealthy and wrong it was to consume animals. I stared at him with dead eyes as I sipped my sprite. 

“Come on (f/n), you don’t even feel a little bit bad knowing you’re eating animals? Like living things with emotions and lives?” Frank said after explaining to me how bad cows were for my body and the environment. I sighed again. It’s not like I was eating cats or dogs. 

“Have you ever been to a farm Frank?” I asked after a long sip of soda. It was hastily met by a forceful burp I excused myself for. Franks mouth shut momentarily. “Have you ever looked a turkey in its big dumb eyes while it told you about all its hopes and dreams? Hmmm?”

Frank sputters and tells me that’s not the point. I tell him that’s exactly the point. A turkey literally as no point to exist besides to be eaten and he would know that if he ever saw one lift its head up to the sky when it rains and drowns itself. But I just roll my eyes instead. 

“Come on Frank,” Gerard growls rolling his eyes at him. I don’t know how to feel about the defense when I know he’s waiting for a veggie burger. I suppose I like the support none the less. Then finally the waitress is back with our food. 

 

“You’re right Frank.” I sigh as she starts setting down the boys food. Frank grins feeling triumphant for a moment. I drink it in as I continue. “There’s room for all gods creatures…” I say as the waitress finally gets to me last. I can see something shift in his face as he gets the hint that something’s off.

“Right next to my mashed potatoes.” I finish as she sets down my plate, the timing so perfect I feel like high fiving myself. Almost all the boys erupt into laughter, except Frank, his face horrified and disgusted. I punctuate my point by digging into my dinner. It’s surprisingly delicious, the meatloaf rich but moist, mushrooms and onions mixed in with the meat. I can tell the potatoes are homemade with butter, not instant. Frank just stares at me still shocked so I take another bite of meat and moan.

“Mmmmmmmmmmm……” I say savoring the bite, chewing slowly. Frank gags and Gerard leans into my neck laughing hysterically. Surprisingly I hear an odd noise and turn to the other side of the booth where Matt is laughing just as loudly. That’s weird. I never hear him laugh at like anything, let alone my own jokes. I shrug it off. I guess he must be as annoyed with Frank’s vegetarian kick as I am. 

“You’re a fucking monster man,” Frank says looking at me horrified. I just grin and take another exaggerated bite, clicking my teeth together, chomping so he can see the protein in my mouth. “Ugh, I think I’m gonna be sick.” He says sliding his plate on the table. The boys seem to take it as invitation as they all reach across and start snagging fries off his plate. 

“HEY!” Frank snaps and starts slapping hands away. 

“Thought you weren’t hungry anymore,” I muttered snagging a fry for myself before dipping it in my gravy.

“Hey!” He cried again then folded his arms over his plate insisting he was fine and eating. I chuckled lowly with Gerard, feeling him lean into me a bit. The table settled back into a comfortable chatter I could sit back and listen to while I ate. I smiled. I was comfortable…I felt like I was where I was supposed to be. I felt Gerard lean over into my neck and make a humming sound, trying to catch my attention.   
“What?” I chuckled softly acknowledging him. 

“That looks really good,” He whined like a kid. I just chuckled, taking another bite, enjoying the sweetness of some roasted carrots. 

“That’s because it is,” I whispered smiling coyly at him. He chuffed, leaning back into my shoulder.   
“Can I have a bite?” he murmured softly, sounding very purposely pathetic. I ignored the little voice inside me devoid of any armor that was pierced by his voice. He couldn’t get everything he wanted.   
“You could have had plenty of bites if you’d ordered your own instead of that patty of pressed plant garbage.” I said sweetly. He whined into my neck and I had to hold back a laugh.   
“(f/nnn).” He whined, wrapping an arm around me and burring his face in my shoulder. 

“I’ll give you a bite of mine,” He pleaded. 

“Ugh, no thank you.” I said letting the disgust into my voice. 

“(f/nnnn),” he whined again. My cheeks heated as my stomach fluttered and joy danced around nervously in my chest. It was so fun teasing him. He was so adorable. “Pleeease? Just one little bite.” He pleaded nuzzling further into me. I couldn’t help but giggle. 

“Ugh,” A gruff male voice grumbled and my eyes snapped up across from me. Matt of course was glaring into his food looking more than annoyed. I rolled my eyes, okay I get it we’re annoying. Maybe this was a little too flirtatious for friend filled booth. 

“Okay, okay, fine.” I grumbled pushing him off while I piled on a bite for him on my fork. He murmured low in his throat, looking equally pleased and disappointed that I’d caved in. Before I thought about it I moved my fork forward and Gerard eagerly leaned forward exceptionally pleased to let me feed him. I blushed quickly embarrassed by what I’d just done. Gerard was kind enough to give me some of his fries. Frank smiles at me from across the table, no doubt seeing Gees arm around me. I flush again. I finish my food and lean into Gerard as the boys finish eating. I check my watch and within the next few minutes I heard the guys back into the van. I’m still mildly embarrassed as I quickly get us to the venue. Maybe I should distance myself from Gerard a little. Especially in front of Green Day. I wasn’t a girl friend or a little groupie. I was acting as an assistant manager. God why did this have to be so difficult? I just got all twisted around when Gerard was involved. I couldn’t help that I loved having him around.   
I manage to get the boys there on time. The boys get to meet Green Day and seem to hit it off. Billy Joe is seems like someone Gerard can get along with really well. I get to meet them as well and it’s probably one of the coolest things that’s ever happened to me. I’ve loved them since I was a teenager. The boys kill it of course. I cheer loudly from backstage the whole time they play. The crowd eats them up, totally into it. It makes sense though, were still in jersey and they’ve toured there before. The kids know them. Gerard watches Green Day play with me in the crowd after their set is done. Dancing with Gee is fun, Frank and Mikey join in too and by the time the show is over I’m exhausted. We say a quick goodbye to the Green Day boys then quickly head out to the van to make it to the next location. I yawn as I get to the drivers side and Mikey pulls me away towards the back. 

“That’s enough, why don’t you get some sleep in the back. Matt and I napped enough in the van earlier, we’ll take the wheel for a while.” Mikey assures me. I blink, my eyes struggling to stay open and reluctantly agree. Gerard usurers me into the back, wrapping me in a blanket and sloping me so I’m practically laying on top of him. I sighed, melting into his embrace as he hums happily. I sighed deeply, already wishing I could selfishly wrap him in my arms. Yeah, so far toning it down like I’d wanted to was really working. Gerard nuzzled my head and my insides turned all puddingy. My heart squeezes and I the urge to lean up and kiss him is overwhelming. I snuggle closer into his chest, focusing on sleep. One day down. Only like eight more to go. Fucking A I need help. Or maybe a muzzle and a straight jacket.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Birthday to Gerard!!!!!!!!!!!! And also my dear friend fear_her_blurryface!!! Ugghhhhhhh our baby Gee is 41 this year. I try not to think about it. He still looks twenty so it's cool. I really wanted to put out a chapter for his birthday though. And of course for blurry. I was having trouble with it though and I don't know if I really like it, but I'm to tired to fix it now. X/ I might come back and change it later. Until then I hope you enjoy it at least a little.   
> -Batty


End file.
